Paging Doctors Bondevik and Kohler
by JeSuisUnePomme
Summary: Human/Medical AU. DenNor. Following the complicated relationship between a Pediatrician and Trauma Surgeon. Romance blooms amidst the emotional toll a career in medicine has. (Partner piece to the fic "Dr. O" but can be read stand-alone) Rated for coarse language, medical/surgical situations. [COMPLETE]
1. Part One: The Accident

**PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER**

 **Part One: The Accident**

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 **IMPORTANT AN:** This story takes place in the same Medical AU as my fic "Dr. O" (but can be read by itself) and corresponds with the storyline there.

Please be aware that this story takes place in a **medical environment**. Specifically, Norway (Lukas Bondevik) represents a **pediatrician** and Denmark (Mathias Kohler) a **trauma surgeon**. Please visit my profile for a detailed description of the cast of Hetalia characters used and their role in this mediverse.

Each "Part" of this story generally corresponds with a chapter in Dr. O (or gives a different perspective/additional information to certain situations/characters). Follow-Up Appointments are short, mid-chapter portions to progress the story.

 **WARNING: This chapter takes place in surgery following a tragic car accident where children were involved.**

* * *

Mathias took a moment to wipe the sweat off his brow when the door to the OR slid open and shut.

"Dr. Kohler?" He looked up.

"Ah, Dr. Oxenstierna, good. I am glad you're here."

Dr. O, Berwald, stood rigid by the door, eyeing the small body laid out on Mathias' operating table. He knew the kid looked a mess. He had one of the nurses drape over most of him to hide the extent of his injuries before Berwald arrived. Only his legs were exposed from mid-thigh down.

"I'm no paeds surgeon, sir." He said, looking uneasy, finally dragging his eyes away from the small body to meet Mathias', panicked. Bleeding Heart Berwald. He was one of the best goddamned doctors the Trauma Ward ever had and a whiz with prosthetic limbs. He was simple, blunt, calculating, and compassionate to a fault. Mathias needed some of that right now.

"I know, I just need your opinion. Come, take a look at this," he motioned towards the two small legs in front of him, Berwald remained frozen where he stood. His face was stone solid, but Mathais knew he was processing the situation. The steady beeps from the machinery were the only noise in the room for a moment, all assisting staff frozen, waiting to see what would happen.

"Oxenstierna," Mathais urged and the man lurched forward. He approached to table calmly, steadily, face devoid of emotion. He looked down at the legs and froze, pursing his lips. He looked up and met Mathias' waiting gaze.

"It's a mess, sir."

"Yeah," Mathias said slowly before heaving a sigh, "what would you do?" He motioned for the nurse at his side to bring the surgical tool tray closer, "Dr. Oxenstierna is stepping in for surgical evaluation," he said, not to anyone in particular, but for the operative report recording.

Berwald thought a moment and accepted a pair of tissue forceps and a surgical retractor. Dutifully, he bent over the small body and with a gentle, practiced hand began to examine the damage to the boy's limbs.

"How long's he been in surgery? The tissue's severely damaged." Berwald paused and raised an eyebrow, glancing back at Mathias, his glasses flashing in the harsh overhead lighting. One leg was badly shredded, but the bones looked to be whole enough to salvage. The second leg, however, reminded Mathias of raw ground beef that had been molded in to some semblance of a leg – or what was once a leg. Without medical training, one may not notice that there was any bone left at all.

"Ah, what time is it now?" Mathias glanced up at the large clock on the wall, cheery green numbers reading ten past one in the morning. "No more than forty minutes. It took a while to stabilize him before he came here." He saw Berwald's eyes briefly flicker across the form under the drapes and return to the legs in front of him. He gave a stiff nod.

"I'm not sure there's enough blood vessels to salvage." Berwald's eyebrows drew together as he examined where a tibia should have been evident under a crushed patella. ' _Or enough bone'_ was an unspoken addition. "There's no blood flow here at all."

Mathias' stomach dropped. He already knew as much. He also knew what Berwald was going to say next, but he needed to hear it from someone else. He rolled his eyes towards the viewing gallery, he could feel eyes on him, scrutinizing. "What is your prognosis, Dr. O?"

"You have to amputate." Silence descended upon the OR, everything seemed to stop for a moment.

"You're right, of course. Thank you, Berwald."

"Sir?"

"You're free to go. Dr. Oxenstierna is exiting the Operating Room, Dr. Kohler is resuming."

The words of release had barely left his mouth before Berwald was heading for the door, ripping off his surgical cap and mask, his gloves coming off in a snap and aimed for the garbage by the OR exit. Before he could make his escape, however, the doors burst open.

" _No_! You idiot! It can be saved!" Dr. Lukas Bondevik stood, one foot in the OR and one out, hand holding a mask over his mouth. A nurse was clutching at him, desperately trying to pull him from the room.

"Dr. Bondevik, you can't go in there. Please! You are not authorized or properly scrubbed!"

Mathias was surprised it was Berwald who spoke first. He placed a large hand on Lukas' shoulder, restraining him from entering the OR any further. He nodded to the nurse, who looked at him with pleading eyes, before retreating in to the hall.

"It would take a miracle worker to save it, Dr. Bondevik."

"I-" Lukas shrugged Berwald's hand off him, eyes flashing between Berwald and Mathias. "You _are_ a goddamned miracle worker, Mathias. You have to be."

"There's too much damage." Berwald said softly, taking a hold o Lukas' elbow and steering him from the room.

"You have to try something – anything!" he looked frantic, "he's only 8. You need to give him a chance!"

"I am, Lukas. This kid's best option is amputation," Mathias said at last, "It's the _only_ option."

"Lukas," Berwald again, "there's no blood flow. It'll fester if it's left." Before Lukas could respond with anything further, Berwald forced him from the room.

Mathias exhaled the breath he did not even realize he was holding.

"Alright team, let's get this show on the road."

.

Mathias was beyond exhausted. He stripped himself of his stained scrubs, mask, and cap as he stumbled into the locker rooms. He collapsed against the shower wall before the water was even hot. He counted on his fingers – he'd been awake close to 30 hours. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, the water running over him, caught halfway between awake and sleeping.

He forced himself to open his eyes and turn the water off and bury his face in a towel. His back ached, his feet hurt, his limbs felt like lead, and a headache was beginning to press in his forehead. He needed to sleep. He needed to eat. He wasn't sure which he would rather do first.

He was just pulling on a t-shirt when a voice called him up from his dizzy reverie.

"Dr. Kohler."

"Lukas."

He looked up. Lukas was leaning against the locker room wall, much too bright for Mathias' tired eyes in his pristine white lab coat, face contorted in controlled rage. He was hugging himself tightly around his middle.

"Dr. _Bondevik_ , to you."

"Don't give me that shit." Mathias surprised even himself when his fist slammed against the wall beside him, his words sharp and filled with venom. Where was the energy for such frustration coming from? He needed to eat something and sleep – _soon_.

"This is a work conversation."

"Then you can schedule an appointment and see me later," he ground out between clenched teeth. He shoved his hands in to the pockets of his pants and made to exit, making a point to knock Lukas in to the lockers with his shoulder as he passed, "Dr. _Bondevik_."

Leave it to a fucking pediatrician to barge in to an OR and demand miracles then get pissed when magic doesn't exit.

Mathias groaned when he heard Lukas following after him.

"You could have saved it."

Mathias whirled around, "no, I could not have. Get your fucking head out of the clouds. I'm good at what I do, but I'm not a fairy fucking godmother." He was standing so close to Lukas their noses were almost touching. Lukas did not waver at the tone or sheer loudness of Mathias' voice. This only made him angrier. "I appreciate a loyal fan, but do you ever think you're putting my abilities too high on a pedestal? You're too emotional. I saved a life and I stand by the decisions I made today in _my_ OR." Lukas looked like he was about to interject with what Mathias could only assume would be a scathing comment, "you cranberry fuck-muffin. Go back to your perfect, happy babies in their carefree cradles."

Lukas snapped. He did not say anything, he didn't have to. He arched one of his perfectly sculpted brows and pressed his lips in to a thin line. He calmly stepped around Mathias and continued down the hall without a sound.

"Wait, Lukas," God damn car accidents, emotional pediatricians, children, hospitals and being awake for far too long. Somehow, Mathias had crossed an invisible line, and he knew he couldn't let their conversation end there. He was too tired for this, but he went after the smaller doctor anyway. Lukas ducked in to an elevator just as the doors were closing. Mathais waited long enough to see what direction the lift was going before barreling for the stairs.

He made it to the next floor in time to see Lukas' coat billowing around a corner. He took off after him, calling the pediatrician's name with no response.

They both blew through a pair of double doors and in to General Pediatrics, all the staff at reception pausing to look up as Lukas stomped his way across the room.

"Lukas, wait!" he reached out only to have his hand knocked away.

Through another set of doors, Mathias finally cornered Lukas, pushing him into a small alcove, trapping him between his hands on the wall.

"Lukas, __listen__ to me, I had to make a tough call." Lukas turned his head away, crossing his arms tight across his chest, his lips pursed. Mathias leaned closer, trying to get the stubborn pediatrician to look at him. Lukas refused to oblige. "It was the kid's best option. I couldn't risk infection that would later kill him." Not to mention the trauma of being in surgery for so long – no body, no matter how big or small, could handle that after being trapped in a minivan under a semi truck.

"You don't know that."

"I do, though."

"No!" Lukas snapped his head to give Mathais a withering glare, "it could have been saved." Mathias shook his head and pushed away from the wall, lifting his hands in surrender. Clearly, they were both too tired to have a conversation that went anywhere productive.

"I see these things every day, Lukas. It was a tough call, but the _right_ one to give the kid a chance." Lukas' knees seemed to buckle and he sagged against the wall behind him. Mathias realized, right then, that Lukas had likely been awake just as long, if not longer than himself. He had not been in a long, gruesome surgery, but he had dealt with something far worse than Mathias had. He reached out, exhaustion creeping back in to his limbs, and pulled Lukas in to a loose hug. The smaller doctor was shaking. He timidly slid his hands up Mathias' chest and clutched at the front of his t-shirt.

Suddenly, their argument was no longer about a little boy losing his leg. It never had been.

"There was nothing you could do," he murmured in to Lukas' hair, arms tightening around him. He leaned in to him, for comfort and for his own stability. "It wasn't your fault." Lukas continued to shake against Mathias' chest, his breathing shallow and uneven. He smelled like coffee with faint undertones of rubbing alcohol and latex. "Nobody could have saved her, Lukas. She was too far gone when she got here. But, her brothers are here, _they're alive_ , and you helped make that happen." His own breathing was ragged, now. All of Lukas' behavior fell in to place, making sense.

The little boy he had operated on only a few hours ago was not the only victim of the crash. He had a younger sister and brother that were also there. He had been briefed on the details of the accident before he even reached the ER: three children aged 4, 6, and 8 were among the more severely injured. They had been in the car as it rolled, slid, skidded to a halt under the rigging of a semitrailer. The little girl must have been sitting on her mother's lap when it had happened. By the time Mathias' pager went off and he ran to the ER, Lukas was already there. He remembered running with the team from the ambo straight for the OR, passing Lukas along the way. He had looked up and caught his eye, blood smeared on his pale face, eyes wide in a moment of panic. He had noticed the small girl on the stretcher, unresponsive, even with the hospital's best pediatrician and emergency team at her side, Lukas calling orders to nearby nurses, _trying_. He had noticed this as he rushed his own patient, a young boy with a severe crush injuries, to prep for surgery. He had forgotten until just now.

There had been more than one victim. More than one ward effected by the accident. Mathias may have saved a life, but the family had still been torn apart. He hadn't been the one to search out the parents, beaten and bloody from their own injuries, and tell them there was nothing more to be done for their little girl. He hadn't been the one, standing at the bedside of a little boy as he woke in the ICU, his first words asking after his older brother and younger sister. He never had to explain to a little boy that no, he couldn't see his sister right now, or tomorrow, or even the day after that. Lukas had.

"It's not your fault." Mathias said again, holding Lukas as tightly as his tired arms would allow.

Lukas took a shuddering breath, rubbing his face against Mathias' t-shirt; he felt the dampness of silent tears soaking in to the fabric. "I know."

The physical, mental, and emotional toll from the last 24 hours was seeping deeper in to Mathias' bones, and he leaned more in to Lukas, struggling to keep upright. They stood silent for a long while, wavering on the brink of balance and falling over. Mathias breathed deeply, taking in the scent that was the pediatrician in his arms and appreciating the warmth pressed against him. He willed everything inside him to feel numb. Hunger was losing the battle to blissful, dreamless slumber.

"You need to sleep." Lukas' hand was firm, steady on Mathias' shoulder. He had barely registered that the smaller doctor had pulled away, untangling himself from their embrace. He felt a cool hand on his wrist and let himself be lead out of the alcove and down the hall. He was laying in a cot in an on-call room before his brain could process what happening. Lukas was pulling a gray, scratchy blanket over his shoulders, his face not showing any signs of his previous tears. Had Mathias only imagined him crying? He didn't have the energy to brush his hands over his shirt to feel for tear-stains. Perhaps he would never know for sure. It didn't matter, though. He could feel himself slipping out of consciousnesses.

"Lukas," he forced his eyes to open a crack. The pediatrician froze, his hand on the door about to leave, he looked over his shoulder. "I'd kiss you right now if you were closer." He felt his face split in to a grin and he closed his eyes, asleep a moment later.

.

When Mathias finally woke, the first thing he was aware of was the sharp, empty feeling of his stomach. The second was the headache that seemed to be splitting down his head, like his brain was melting out of his ears. The third, as he struggled to sit up – _what time was it?_ \- was the bottle of water and a cranberry muffin tightly packed in plastic wrap on the small table beside the cot. There was a note scrawled on Winnie-the-Pooh paper that read:

' _Page me when you're conscious. I'll take you to get some real food before you starve to death. - LB_ '


	2. Follow-Up 1

**PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER**

 **Follow-Up**

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" _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer._ "

The words echoed in the air and followed Lukas around wherever he went. He tried to ignore them, to pretend they weren't there, but he couldn't. He felt like other people could see them, could hear what had been said.

"You okay, doctor?" Even the reception staff seemed to sense something was different. Was it tattooed across his forehead? He waved away the concern, giving a curt nod in response.

What a terribly unprofessional thing to say to someone.

Lukas had worked with Mathias for many years. Mathias, despite his department being on a totally different floor, seemed to everywhere. Lukas would turn around, and he'd be leaning on the counter in reception, chatting up the staff, or coming down the hall with a giant, goofy grin, or suddenly sitting next to Lukas with his lunch in hand.

" _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer._ "

Mathias developed the terrible habit of delighting in catching Lukas off guard. He'd exit a room after checking on a patient and-

"BONDEVIK!" Lukas would nearly jump out of his skin, clutch at his chest, and struggle to contain a flurry of blasphemous words from spilling out of his mouth in surprise.

"Dr. Kohler, what do you want?" he'd finally choke out once he was sure he wasn't going to drop dead of a heart-attack. Mathias would grin like an idiot and scratch the back of his head, feigning innocence.

"Ahh, nothin'. I just like watching your face when you're surprised," he'd laugh, "you're just so cute."

"Well, stop it." Lukas would spin on his heel and march away. Did he want Mathias to follow him or leave him alone? He could never quite decide.

" _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer._ "

He would often ask how on earth he found himself in the viewing gallery of Mathias' surgeries any chance he got. He didn't particularly like surgery, and he was even less interested in ruptured appendixes or stab wounds to the abdomen. Emergency medicine is so _messy_. And yet... Mathias was a genius with a scalpel – perhaps not the best of combinations. He was fascinating to watch, though. All manner of machines and monitors could be screaming away at him, nurses in a frenzied panic, and he'd keep his wits about him. He could calmly assess even the most grim of circumstances and make practical decisions. He was a magician.

How many times now had Lukas seen someone on that cold, stainless steel stable and wondered if there was no more hope for the poor patient. Then, Mathias would swoop in, all laughter and giant smiles, in and preform a miracle.

" _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer._ "

"How did you do it?" Lukas asked Mathias one day. He had been waiting for Mathias to scrub out of the operating room.

"Pardon?"

"That man," Lukas nodded through the small window of the OR door to the patient getting prepped for recovery. "I saw him when he came in to the ER. His arm was obliterated."

"Oh, that!" Mathias clapped a hand on Lukas' shoulder and gave a friendly squeeze, "when you're buds with an orthopedic specialist like Dr. Braginsky, things like that don't seem so scary." Mathias would praise the entire surgical team, insisting that it was a group-effort to achieve whatever magic he performed.

" _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer._ "

Mathias was like a puppy, constantly nipping at Lukas' ankles.

"Surely you have your own work to accomplish."

"Nah, why do you think I have a pager? They'll call if they need me." His entire face split in to a grin. He seemed to shower Lukas in smiles all day long. He would have found it implausibly annoying if he wasn't so damn _cute_. Lukas did his best to ignore the flutter in his chest and focus on the x-ray image of an arm in front of him. He sighed. "That there is a greenstick fracture," Mathias nodded at the image, swinging his feet while sitting on the top of Lukas' desk.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." He meant only to shoot him a warning look, but was distracted by the goofy smile, then a sudden idea. "Williams. He's in room 103."

"What?" The grin slid from Mathias' face.

"The kid, Matthew Williams," he ripped the image from the lighted wall and popped it in to the chart in his arms before handing the whole thing over to Mathias. "He will need a cast. If you insist on hanging around all day long, and have none of your own work, I will find things to keep you out of my hair." He waved at Mathias to hurry along. "103."

" _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer._ "

That fateful night.

He had lost patients before, he wasn't sure why this one hit him so much harder than normal. Maybe it was because he'd already been working for 10 hours, maybe it was because of the circumstances surrounding the accident.

He had known the moment he laid eyes on her that there was nothing to be done. She had likely already been dead at the scene. He wasn't sure what colour her pajamas had been originally, but now they were stained a dark red-brown.

"What happened?" he asked, running over to a group of paramedics switching out on chest compressions.

"Brutal car accident, across the whole highway. They were coming back from vacation, I think. Hoping to push through to home instead of stopping in a motel." His eyes roamed over the girl's face; she was so small. "It was a massive pile up. They must'a been rear-ended, slid under a semi that had gone over. She was thrown from the car in the process."

"Was she not belted in?" The paramedic shook his head and shrugged.

The next moments were a blur as Lukas tried to find where all she was injured and how. Her heart was still not beating without help, she was only breathing because of tubes, a bag, and a tired-looking paramedic. He wiped at the sweat on his brow as more teams of paramedics burst through the emergency doors. He could hear a woman screaming for her children. "My baby! _Please_! You have to help her!" Lukas urged himself to _try_. Maybe, just maybe, he could fix this.

He looked up and caught Mathias' eye as he ran past with his own small patient. It felt like time slowed down as he watched him run, their eyes locking, the cardiac monitor screaming flat-line in Lukas' ear.

" _Page me when you're conscious. I'll take you to get some real food before you starve to death_ "

Mathias did not page Lukas that day, or even the next. Three days went by before one morning, on Lukas' day off, his pager began to sound, a phone number flashing across the screen. Lukas called the number and Mathias picked up.

"You still going to take me for some _real_ food?" Lukas stopped breathing. "I know I'm a few days late, but I wanted to make sure we wouldn't be interrupted by work." With a sigh he agreed, he glanced at his watch and suggested later that evening, then they arranged where to meet.

He didn't know why he felt so uneasy. Nervous. He had had lunch with Mathias several times before this. The only difference was that this time Lukas had initiated and Mathias hadn't simply turned up out of the blue, food in hand.

They also weren't on the hospital grounds.

And Mathias was walking towards him, and easy smile on his face, hair neatly styled. He was dressed in pressed, black slacks and a deep crimson dress shirt, a dark sport coat was draped over one of his arms. Lukas was furious at the way his heart-rate sped up when he saw him.

"Dr. Bondevik, is this a _date_?" Mathias chuckled as he slid in to the chair opposite Lukas. Lukas fidgeted.

"What has given you that impression, Dr. Kohler?" He felt hot under his own collar and suspected a blush was creeping its way in to his cheeks.

"Because you look nervous and you told me to dress nice."

"This is a nice restaurant."

"That was point number three," he plopped his elbow on the table, rattling the cutlery, and rest his chin on the palm of his hand. "You look very handsome today, Lukas." If there wasn't a blush in his cheeks earlier, one was certainly blooming now.

"Shut up and look at your menu."

* * *

 _To be continued..._


	3. Part Two: Quitting

**PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER**

 **Part Two: Quitting**

* * *

Mathias knew the day would come when Berwald would want to quit. He had tried everything in his power to avoid the conversation, much preferring to keep the quiet doctor on his staff for as long as possible. He was fantastic at what he did, he didn't want to lose a pair of capable hands, despite the fact that they had a somewhat turbulent working relationship.

When the time finally came, he couldn't help but wonder if Berwald had been planning for the moment to be exactly as it happened.

"I quit." He said rather suddenly, causing Mathias to snap his head up and stare in wonder at him. He smirked. Oh, Berwald was good. It was hard to say no to someone when they were bloodied and elbow deep in another man's abdomen. The cardiac monitor had long ago started flat-lining. He looked quite like a viking from one of those TV shows Mathias would watch in his rare moments at home. Then, he wondered what Lukas might look like dressed as a viking...

"Are you even listenin'?"

"Oh," Mathias refocused, "yes, you said you quit."

.

Lukas was sitting at his desk doing paperwork when there was a soft knock at his door. He beckoned for them to enter. When no one did, he finally looked up and repeated himself, sighing heavy. Slowly, the door creaked open and Tino, one of the department receptionists, popped his head inside. Lukas arched an eyebrow at him, but waved him further into the office.

"Tino, is it? What can I do for you?" He knew exactly who Tino was, of course. But, he preferred his staff to think him indifferent, in case it was clear who his favourites were. Tino was his favorite. He was quiet, respectable, he was excellent with the children and their fretting parents. Tino could read all of the doctor's handwriting and would often translate notes in to his own beautiful penmanship so others could read them as well. He never misfiled anything and he knew where everything was when asked. He was efficient, and if there was anything Lukas appreciated the most, it was efficiency.

"M-Mr. Bondevik, sir," Tino stuttered inefficiently, Lukas raised his other eyebrow. Tino started picking at the hem of his scrub top. "I, um – I, um."

"Spit it out," he was starting to make Lukas feel nervous. He didn't have time to feel nervous.

"Sir, I..." Tino rolled his eyes to the ceiling, searching for help there. "Sir, I have to quit."

"Pardon?" Lukas blinked.

"Yes. I... please consider this my two weeks notice." He seemed to recover some of his courage, and looked Lukas in the eye now, his face set in a grim, determined expression.

"Is this because I have not issued you your raise yet?" That could be the only plausible explanation to this sudden termination of employment. Tino seemed to get along well with all of the staff, he had good friends, and he seemed generally happy with his job. Tino shook his head. "Did something happen?" Whoever hurt his Tino was going to pay for it. Tino started to shake his head again, then paused, and slowly nodded, chewing on his lip. "Care to elaborate?" Had Mathias said something wholly untoward to him? Tino seemed the sort to be put-off by Dr. Kohler's flavour of forwardness.

"Sir... Sir, I'm quitting so I can follow Dr. O and help in his private practice."

" _What_." It was not a question and more of an utterance in surprise. That didn't make sense. Tino works in pediatrics, Dr. O works in trauma. He wasn't even sure the two had met before. How could this have happened? Berwald was going to be in deep shit if Tino actually quit and followed him. Tino was his favourite receptionist. "I don't understand, Tino." He motioned for the nervous-looking man to sit in the chair opposite. Tino collapsed into it, his bravery fading fast.

"He – he... he offered me a job because I have nice penmanship."

"You do," Lukas agreed. This still was not making sense. _Nice penmanship_? Tino had always struck Lukas as the sort with a good head on his shoulders, this whole situation seemed more than a little out of character. Lukas also knew Berwald, though, and the man hardly seemed the type to strong-arm anyone into something they didn't want to do. Tino, while he came across as quite timid, didn't seem the type to go along willingly with just anything, either. Lukas felt himself slipping deeper into exasperation.

"Sir, I'm sorry this is such a surprise, but I've decided that a change of scenery may be best for me..."

"I'll pay you double what he's offered you."

Tino's eyes widened a fraction and he seemed to hesitate before he shook his head again, "I'm sorry, it's really not about the money." Oh, it was always about the money somewhere down the line. Had Lukas been authorized to offer him triple, he would have. Lukas sighed, considering the situation. He sat quiet for a moment. Unlike Mathias, Lukas was not the type to keep anyone under his employment if they no longer wished to be there. If Tino did not want to offer any enlightenment to the situation, then he wouldn't press the matter. He didn't have the energy.

"Fine. I am sad to see you go, Tino." Tino looked relieved and he scrambled to his feet, thanking Lukas for his time and understanding before scurrying out of the office, shutting the door with a quiet _snap_ behind him.

Lukas could not bring himself to focus on his paperwork anymore, so he too left his office and found himself wandering down the stairs towards the ER. Mathias was in surgery so he made his way to the viewing gallery to watch. Once he arrived, he was not alone. There were two men in sharp suits and ties huddled together in the corner, pointing and talking quietly, watching the surgery closely. Lukas scowled down through the window.

Mathias and Berwald seemed to be in a heated argument, standing opposite each other, a dead man on the table in front of them. The OR nurses had started to clean up the room, avoiding the red-faced doctors in the middle of it. Berwald looked like he had stepped right out of a horror film, Mathias not fairing much better. Lukas was mildly sad that he had missed the beginning of the surgery so he could have seen what happened, he almost asked the two men in suits; instead, he left the viewing gallery, deciding to wait for Mathias to scrub-out so he could ask him in person.

He made a show of inspecting his nails and leaning on the wall opposite the OR while he waited. After some time, Berwald exploded out of the double doors first, barely giving Lukas a glance before storming down the hall. Mathias sauntered out next, his face splitting into a huge grin when his eyes fell upon Lukas.

"Dr. Bondevik! What a pleasant surprise for my unpleasant afternoon!"

"Dr. Kohler," Lukas looked him up and down, all previous signs of gore gone, aside from his stained scrub top.

"Care to join me in the showers?" Lukas felt the heat rising in his cheeks and Mathias threw his head back and laughed. He settled his face into his most savage glare.

"That is unbelievably inappropriate, Dr. Kohler."

"I saw an opportunity and went for it," Mathias winked. "What's up?"

"I came by to-" why had he come, again? Mathias put one of his hands on the wall beside Lukas' head and leaned in, smiling at him. "What happened with Berwald?" Lukas heard himself blurt out, ignoring the way his heart was hammering in his chest. Mathias so close was dangerous... They had a strange dynamic to them, especially since they started seeing each other outside of work. They were no longer just coworkers, but a conversation never took place in order to discuss what they were now. Were they just friends? Something more? The way Mathias would ceaselessly toss about improper comments and lean in dangerously close to Lukas could feel the heat rolling off him, the way he seemed to go out of his way to stir up a blush in Lukas' cheeks certainly seemed to hint at "something more".

A troubled expression settled in Mathias' eyes and he thought for a moment, not bothering to increase the distance between them, much to Lukas' discomfort. He felt Mathias sigh, his breath warm on Lukas' ear.

"Ah, the asshole finally quit on me," Mathias ground out.

"Tino just quit, too."

"Your favourite receptionist?" Mathias looked surprised.

"I don't have favourites. But, yes," Lukas pursed his lips, "he quit to follow your Dr. O, actually." Mathias' mouth dropped open, but before he could respond, the two men in suits called out to him, approaching from down the hall. Lukas felt his stomach twist into a knot when Mathias hurriedly pushed himself away from the wall, setting his face in a neutral expression as he greeted the two men.

"Dr. Kohler," one of them said, "may we have a word, please?" Mathias nodded and shot Lukas a wink and a half-smile as he sauntered up to the two men and was lead away. "Is there somewhere we can talk in private?" Lukas was filled with a sense of unease as he watched the three men walk away from him.

Lukas was making his way back to his office when he overheard the chatter from hospital staff.

"Did you hear?" Someone was saying, "Dr. Kohler's application was accepted. I saw the heads of the outreach team come in this morning."

"Where did he sign up to go again?" Another asked, "somewhere in Africa?"

"Zambia," the first responded. "To help train locals so they don't have to rely on international support."

"That's so exciting!"

Lukas felt his heart drop into his feet and his knees turn a consistency similar to jello. Was this true? Was that why those two men in suits were waiting for Mathias after his surgery? Why had Mathias never told Lukas of his plans to l _eave the fucking continent_? Most importantly, why would Mathias try so hard to flirt with Lukas and win him over if he had been planning on leaving all along? If that was, indeed, what Mathias had been doing all along. Lukas certainly felt strung along, although he'd never admit it out loud.

Lukas never saw Mathias again that day, or the next. Instead, one morning, he discovered a small note, folded in half, written in Mathias' hand on his Lukas' Winnie-the-Pooh paper.

.

 _Dr. Bondevik;_

 _I know I left suddenly. I'm sorry._

 _My plane leaves in a little over an hour – I wish I had the courage to tell you goodbye to your face._

 _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer._

 _-Dr. Kohler_

 _._

Lukas' heart felt like it stopped beating, like an anvil had dropped out of the ceiling of his office and landed square on his head. Was this a joke? This was how Mathias was going to leave? He read the few lines again to be sure he didn't miss anything. He turned the note over, was there more? Had other pages been misplaced? Surely this was not the entirety of the message. All he found was a hastily scrawled mailing address - to fucking _Africa_.

And there were those words again, "I'd kiss you right now if you were closer". Lukas had been closer, not 48 hours ago. And, much to his dismay, he would have let Mathias kiss him.

His heart found itself and picked up its rhythm, taking up a speed that was much too uncomfortable for Lukas' tastes. Mathias had wormed his way into every inch of his life and suddenly he was gone, quit cold turkey like a nasty habit. Now what was he supposed to do? His day-to-day life could hardly feel normal with a huge, Mathias-shaped hole in the middle of it.

He ripped a new piece of paper from his note-stack and penned out a response. He stuffed it in to an envelope, addressed it, and then left it in his out-bound mailbox on his desk. _Goddammit_.

 _._

 _Mathias;_

 _I am livid._

 _Please, call me Lukas. We both know we're beyond such formalities._

" _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer"...Why do you keep telling me that?_

 _-LB_

 _._

 _Luke;_

 _I arrived in Zambia safely, in case you were curious._

 _It's fucking hot._

 _I know you must be confused. I had applied last year for a teaching program out here. I had forgotten all about it when I never really heard back. Then, a couple months ago I got word that my application was being processed and I was a top choice to come work out here. I still wasn't sure if it was going to happen, so I never bothered saying anything. It was a shock to me when I suddenly had a 4 year contract and plane ticket handed to me._

 _This is an incredible opportunity for my career, Luke!_

 _I am glad to be here. I feel like I can actually make a difference, you know? It's frustrating sometimes, though. I don't have access to all the same tools as I would in the West. You have to improvise a lot! But, it keeps my mind fresh and me on my toes. I only hope that what I'm teaching is making sense... They need people like me, like us. Have you considered teaching at all? You should come here, too! They are eager to learn. And I'm sure they could use the world's finest pediatrician on their side! There's a ton of kids in the village I'm living in – they are super cute. They'd melt your icy heart! _

_I tell you that I would kiss you because it's true. I regret not having done so before I left. Now, I don't know how long I'll have to wait before I have another chance! I've wanted to feel your lips against mine for as long as I can remember. Maybe then I can turn that constant frown of yours upside-down!_

 _Can't write more, it's getting dark._

 _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer._

 _-Mathias_

 _._

Lukas' breath hitched in his chest and he reread the last letter. '...wanted to feel your lips against mind for as long as I can remember'... He'd be lying if he said that the thought of kissing Mathias didn't send his a shiver down his spine and his heart pounding in his chest. The words had been haunting Lukas since the first time Mathias' uttered them in his near-sleep state all those weeks ago. Their teetering relationship finally tipped towards "something more" and Mathias was gone.

.

 _Mathias;_

 _Please refrain from calling me 'Luke'. I detest the name. Lukas is fine._

 _Of course I care that you arrived safely, you idiot._

 _Glad you are feeling worthwhile. You were doing good things here too, though. You know I can't move half-way across the world to teach, no matter how cute the babies. I have my brother to worry about. He needs me here and I can't just abandon him. Not to mention an entire department to run! My career is here. And, unlike you, I don't feel like I'm wasting my time helping the people in my own community._

 _You are a brilliant surgeon. I am sure whatever wisdom you concoct will be worthwhile. They are lucky to have such a find instructor in their midst._

 _What are you saying? It is not appropriate._

 _I hardly even know how to react to you. You've been chasing me around for so long, but then you easily pack up and leave. Were you ever serious? You have never spoken your actual intentions – if you had any to begin with. I feel a bit strung-along, to be honest._

 _Are you safe there? I can not bring myself to watch the news for fear I will hear something dreadful close to where you are. Take care of yourself,_

 _- LUKAS_

 _._

 _Lukikins;_

 _Ah, you flatter me! But, by all means, please continue! I always enjoy a fan._

 _I know your career and life is there. I had to at least try, right? If you change your mind, you have my current mailing address. Feel free to stop by anytime ;)_

 _I wish you could hear me laughing out loud right now. Imagine it, I'm throwing my head back and laughing out loud. Hard. "It's not appropriate" Seriously, there's tears in my eyes._

 _You can't play shy with me. I know you better than that. I've seen the way your cheeks heat up when I smile at you ;) I've not been oblivious to how you seek me out in every free moment, how you scan the room looking for me. Maybe you don't realize you do it?_

 _Perhaps it is not appropriate while we worked together – but hey! We are no longer working together._

 _Lukas, you are_ [The paper was smudged like Mathias had written several things, erased them, and tried again. There were little dots like he had tapped his pen against the page in thought]

 _Lukas, you are so special. Not only are you probably the most beautiful man I've ever laid my eyes on, you are kind, patient, passionate (secretly, under that stoic expression you love so much), and loyal to those near you. You have such a hard wall built up around you, but you're so soft underneath. Your _ real _smile, though rare, totally stops my heart, you know. Cardiac arrest! (In a good way)_

 _I thought my intentions were perfectly clear. I was attempting to woo you, Lukas. I want to be with you._

 _I miss you terribly. Do you know that you smell like coffee and apples? And, oddly, rubbing alcohol haha! You smell warm, too. I can't quite describe it. How do I smell to you?_

 _Yes, I am safe here. They are taking good care of me, Lukikins. They won't let the big bad buys get to me. Besides, I'd give 'em one hell of a fight if they tried!_

 _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer._

 _-Mathias_

 _._

 _Mathias;_

 _Okay, you're just trying to piss me off with your nick-names. It's LUKAS or you can go back to calling me Dr. Bondevik._

 _I refuse to take part in inflating your already near-bursting ego._

 _I appreciate the compliments to my character. I had no idea you had been formulating opinions and observing me so closely. (?)_

 _If it is a romantic sort of relationship you are after, perhaps you should not have moved so far away. (And cardiac arrest is never a good thing, Mathias. Seriously.)_

 _I'm glad you are safe. Please, do not get into any fights. Let the nice locals that are protecting you do their job. I don't need to be told you've gone missing or found dead in a ditch somewhere, beaten to a pulp. Or worse._

 _Smell? Really?_

 _I suppose I can play along... You smell like antibacterial soap, latex gloves, and a little bit metallic. Because you are a surgeon._

 _-Lukas_

 _._

 _My Cranberry Fuck-muffin (hehe, remember?);_

 _Ooh, common! You know it's well deserved ;) I'll inflate yours in return?_

 _You are likely the best pediatrician I have ever met. Not that I've met a lot, but you know. You are great at what you do. Which is surprising, because you come off as so damn cold. I really don't see what children see in you... But! You are good at it. You are very patient._

 _I am sensing a hint of bitterness in the timing of my move – perhaps this is because you are also interested in a romantic pursuit? I'm wiggling my eyebrows at you, imagine it. Did I manage to melt your cold, cold heart?_

 _Of course I was "observing" you. Why do you think a trauma surgeon was spending so much damn time in pediatrics? I could barely tear my eyes away._

 _Oh! That's not playing fair, I know I smell different than that to you._

 _Anything exciting happening at the hospital these days? Have you heard from Berwald and Tino?_

 _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer._

 _-Mathias_

 _._

 _Mathias;_

 _I hate you. Cranberry fuck-muffin, indeed. Yes, I remember. How can I forget? That whole day was hard and emotional. And while that was not the worst thing I've been called in my life, my feelings were already quite hurt, I will have you know. Yes, I have feelings. I'm not an Ice Prince all the way through, despite what people whisper when they think I can't hear._

 _Was that supposed to inflate my ego? Are you trying to flirt with me? You are not very good at it._

 _To me, you smell like fabric softener, burnt candles (why do you smell like candles?), antibacterial hand soap, and alcohol (vodka?). You also_ do _smell like latex and faintly metallic when you've been in surgery. Although, smelling metallic is perhaps not the most comforting of scents..._

 _If you want to know the latest gossip, you should have stayed._

 _But, I digress. No, nothing too interesting going on here. It is a nice change._

 _Berwald called a few days ago. His new clinic seems to be doing well. He's been poaching some of your old patients. I suppose I should be happy for him, but I can't bring myself to yet. Tino really was the best damn assistant we had in our ward (fine, I will admit, he was my favourite). All the others are useless in comparison. And that's saying something – Tino's head is often stuck in the clouds._

 _-Lukas (your cranberry fuck-muffin)_

 _PS the state of my, as you say, cold heart is none of your business while you are so far away._

 _._

 _CFM (cranberry fuck-muffin);_

 _I am sorry for that day. I think about it a lot, too. It broke my heart when I realized how much pain you actually were in. I could have been nicer, but I was so tired. You were trying to help the family and you thought I wasn't doing the same thing. Right?_

 _You've heard us talking? Shit. Well, you're no Ice Prince. I've seen you cry – remember? ;)_

 _I've been flirting with you the last several years, thanks for noticing._

 _I smell like candles? Hm. I light some when I think about my parents – they died when I was young. So, when they look down from wherever they are (Valhalla!), they can see that they have not been forgotten._

 _Speaking of Valhalla, what kind of viking would I be if I didn't smell like blood every now and then?_

 _I'm sure you will find another capable assistant someday soon._

 _Work is hard and hot. Days like today I wish I wasn't here, that I was back at home. At least then I'd be closer to you! But, they need so much help here. My heart breaks for the people. So for that, I am glad I am where I am._

 _I did not teach today, I helped out in one of the local hospitals. It was gruesome. Your royal Ice Princiness would not have liked it. But, I made due. I saved a few lives. No big deal._

 _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer._

 _-Mathias_

 _PS To be honest, I knew I melted your heart a while ago. I knew the day you started giving me work in your department (I just wanted to hear you say it)._

 _._

 _Mathias;_

 _It was not your fault I was upset. I am sorry, too. It was a bad night, let's just leave it at that._

 _You have no proof that I cried._

 _I did not know about your parents. That is... incredibly endearing, actually. I... am not sure what to say. I had no idea you could be so sentimental._

 _A cold is going around here right now. I am so sick and tired of kids with the sniffles and a fever and panicked parents who don't know how to handle it. And I'm sick of everyone calling it 'the flu'. There is a difference – don't people know this? The flu is worse than a cold. Keep your damn kid in bed, give them some Tylenol. They'll be fine in 24 hours._

 _If you don't like it there, then come back. Then you'd be close enough to kiss me._

 _-Ice Prince Lukas_

 _PS You are not a viking._

 _._

For the first year, their letters continued to be lighthearted and full of banter. But, as more time went on, more time elapsed between each reply. But, they were longer, and more honest. Lukas could go about his day-to-day without thinking too much of Mathias on the other side of the world. But every time he passed reception, he'd ask if the mail had come yet. When the answer was yes, and the receptionist held up a small, yellowed envelope with is name on it, his pulse would quicken. He'd take the note to his office and devour it, treasure it, then carefully place it in a box in the bottom drawer of his desk with the others before penning his reply.

With every note and letter, no matter how childish or cheeky, Lukas realized his affection for Mathias was growing. His heart was heavy to think that they were so far away from each other. It would be years before he would return – if ever. He considered stopping their correspondence in order to save himself the heartbreak later, but then he'd get that envelope with Mathias' chicken scratch scrawl and he knew he was addicted.

By the second year of correspondence, Lukas found himself divulging his personal secrets to Mathias. He felt it almost comforting writing out his true feelings about certain matters and sending them away in a small envelope. Somewhere, on the other side of an ocean, someone would read his thoughts. They wrote much about their respective childhoods and memories of growing up, when they realized they wanted to be doctors, and their experiences in med school. They got to know each other deeply.

By the third year, Mathias was Lukas' closest friend and confidant. He found it strange that he could depend so heavily on someone so far away. At the end of a long, hard day he would sit at his desk, the only light in his office coming from a small spotlight lamp, and he'd write out his frustrations, thoughts, feelings and seal them away in a letter with a kiss. He knew he was the same to Mathias, his letters turning up more desperate and frustrated, going in to more detail about his work – or work he wasn't able to complete. He'd regale Lukas with stories of his students, experiences while working in the small, local hospital, the patients he was able to save and the ones he was not. He depended on Lukas as his emotional support in dealing with the wins and the losses – he didn't seem to have any close friends there, despite having lived there for a few years. He worked, he went home, he poured his heart into his letters.

By the fourth year, the letters were bittersweet and lonely. They both recounted how they missed one another. Lukas could barely remember a time when it was normal to have Mathias close. He would dream of him often, about what it would be like to see him again, to have him nearby. He told this to Mathias. Lukas found himself promising to wait for Mathias to return, to give him the kiss Mathias always asked for at the end of his letters, without fail. Mathias in turn promised to come home one day and deliver that kiss once he was close enough.

Lukas felt his heart breaking with every letter, but he was in too deep, now. There could be no one else for him. Not when there was a man oceans away that knew everything there was to know about him. He hated to admit that he had fallen so in love with the boisterous surgeon. And all in letters, no less! Mathias claimed to have fallen in love with Lukas long ago. "When I first saw you, actually," he had written. "You were standing at reception and going over chart notes. You had the most fierce scowl on your lips, but your eyes were soft. Then, a little kid came up to you to ask you something, and you knelt down beside them and _smiled_. That's when I knew."

.

 _Lukas;_

 _Thank you for the photograph, I've put it with the others on my wall. I like having pictures of you smiling – send more! Also, your brother is cute. ;)_

 _Today I realized how deeply I miss you. It's funny, isn't it? Even though we were nothing more than coworkers when I was there (on the surface, at least), I long for you now. Now that I'm too far away to wrap my arms around you and hold you close. To bury my nose in your hair and smell the coffee and apples and warmth that is you. I'm sorry to say, I can hardly remember exactly how you smell. I know the words I've used to describe it, but I can no longer close my eyes and imagine you're nearby._

 _Sometimes, at the end of the day, I need someone – you know? I need to come home to somebody and just lose myself in a person I love to take my mind away from reality._

 _I've kept all the letters you've written me over the years, you know. I go through and read them sometimes. Some days, it's the only thing that keeps me together. I love seeing you open up to me (finally!), your heart scrawled across the pages. I can experience you falling in love with me over and over again! Although, you have terrible penmanship. You're lucky I am also a doctor and can make out the drivel you write. I love your drivel. For as long as I am away, promise you will never stop. I need the connection to home, to you. For as long as I am away, I will never stop writing to you. Even if you stop responding, I know you'll still read it. Just knowing I haven't been forgotten on the other side of the ocean is enough._

 _Fuck, I miss you. I never knew I could miss a person with such intensity. I've said I miss you so many times before, but I never understood the longing until recently. It's different, now. Deeper._

 _I lost one of my students this week. He was shot in an alley for some dumb reason. They wouldn't tell me exactly what happened. I'm not allowed to go out as freely at night, now. Don't worry, I'm safe. Just under house arrest until the town settles._

 _I feel like I'm spending more time in the hospital these days than the classroom. That's not what I came here for! I could have worked in an ER at home – and have been better equipped._

 _I hope you are well. Berwald wrote me a letter the other day – did you tell him how to get in touch with me? I'm glad to hear he has been doing so well. He's a good man. His clinic has really taken off. How come you didn't tell me he coerced Dr. VonBock and Dr. Galante to join his practice?! That was years ago! How dare you withhold such crucial information! I saw them first, you know (Raivis only got into the business because of me). Ah, what can I say, Berwald is following after my genius. I probably inspired his whole clinic._

 _Speaking of withholding crucial information... I broke my wrist a couple weeks ago. Stop freaking out! I can see your face in my head, haha! I am fine. I didn't tell you because I wanted to make sure it was healing OK. It has healed fine. I fell off my bike. I know, I know, I'm an idiot and I need to be more careful. It was my left wrist. Yes, it's fine, now. Sometimes it aches, but that's normal. I'm a doctor, Lukas, I know all about broken bones and how to heal them. A few more weeks and it'll be nothing more than a painful memory._

 _Someone's knocking on my door, I've got to go._

 _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer. If you were here or I were there, I'd wrap my arms around you and kiss you until we both ran out of breath._

 _All my love,_

 _-Mathias xx_

No matter how many times he checked with reception, or the mailman himself, that was the last letter Lukas received from Mathias. He had written his response weeks ago, but was met only with silence.

* * *

 **AN:** I love everything about writing this story. I'm always distracted from my other fics because of ideas for these two. Ahh!

 **Please drop a review! They motivate me to keep going!**


	4. Follow-Up 2

**PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER**  
 **Follow-Up**

* * *

Emil did not like the look his brother had on his face.

To anyone else he may have simply looked like his normal cool, collected, and carefully composed self; but, to Emil, he saw the hidden heartbreak.

It was all that damn surgeon's fault.

He had tried hiding the letters from Lukas, hoping he'd forget about the other man so far away and go back to being normal, but when the letters didn't come, Lukas got worse. The more time that elapsed between envelopes, the more Lukas seemed to lose control. Unable to be the cause of more pain, Emil would produce a yellowing envelope and push it in to Lukas' cool hands.

"Oh," he'd say, his voice smooth and even, "where did you find this?"

"Just arrived this morning," Emil would lie, "I guess it got lost in the mail." Lukas would stare at the envelope, turning it over in his hands, before excusing himself to his office and shutting the door behind him.

This time, it was worse. It was worse because Emil had not hidden the letter that Lukas was waiting for; he had no way to drag his brother from his slump. Lukas would come by reception at the hospital every morning and every afternoon asking if the mail had been delivered, nonchalantly adding that he was waiting for something important. Eventually, he no longer had to use his words. He'd give Emil a cold stare and Emil had no choice but to shrug and shake his head in response.

At home, Lukas would retire early to bed, shutting his bedroom door and locking it. Emil knew behind that closed door Lukas' casual demeanor would crumble, giving way to the emotions he so carefully hid from everyone. He could hear the quiet, shuddering breaths if he pressed his ear to the door. When Lukas thought Emil was sleeping, he could hear the odd choking sob breaking the silence of the house.

Long stretches of time had passed between letters before, but this time it felt different, _wrong_. Emil tried to ask Lukas about it, but he waved him off, assuring him that nothing was the matter and that his Mathias was likely busy with work.

 _'His_ Mathias.'

Emil wasn't sure how he felt about that. Despite the rocky outward appearance of their brotherly relationship, Emil did not like the idea of sharing his brother with anyone – especially someone so far away. He had more than four years to slowly get used to the idea, and it still never settled in his chest. Every yellowing envelope and the way Lukas' eyes would flash when he saw one made his blood boil. He never had a chance to get to know this Mathias before he disappeared, taking his brother's heart with him. He had heard his name pop up in conversation over the rare dinner previously, but always told through gritted teeth and ending in a flippant, "what an _idiot_." When did that change? He supposed it never did. Lukas would still talk about how the surgeon was an idiot; but, now he was Lukas' idiot and he said it with a faint smile playing on his lips. He sounded wistful when he spoke of Mathias, not annoyed. His brother was never wistful.

Perhaps what scared Emil the most was that if his icy brother could fall so head-over-heels in love, it could happen to anybody. It could happen to Emil.

Emil did not fancy the idea of being in love with anybody. He did not like the notion that he could become so drawn to a person he lost all sense of reason. His lip would curl in disgust if he thought about ever _needing_ someone so desperately, being so emotionally dependent. Being with his brother was enough for Emil, and it used to be enough for Lukas, too – they had always been similar in that regard. He did not like that Lukas would get so lost in his thoughts of another person so far away he did not realize the cup of coffee he was pouring was overflowing on to the kitchen counter and spilling to the floor.

Love was stupid.

A month had gone by and Lukas was sitting at their kitchen table, his skin an unhealthy gray and laden with shadows. His expression was neutral, but no longer filled with a sense that there was something else going on behind those sad eyes. His face was completely devoid of anything, like he was lost, his mind detached from the present world.

"Just forget him," Emil had suggested, pouring himself a glass of orange juice. He had not expected Lukas to answer at all, that he would simply fix him with an icy stare. Instead, he was met by the soft, honest words whispering out of Lukas' chapped lips, "I cannot." Emil froze and turned to face his brother. Lukas was staring straight ahead, not focused on anything, but his lower lip was trembling: the first sign of any sort of blatant emotion Emil had seen in weeks. "He promised he would keep writing no matter what."

"Lukas..." He was not sure how to handle the situation when his brother finally turned to focus on him, blinking rapidly. His eyes were beginning to spill tears and he brought his shaking hands up towards his face. "What has he done to you?"

Mathias had stolen the brother Emil knew so well and left him with this broken man sitting at their kitchen table.

Emil hated Mathias for it.

* * *

 **AN:** Very brief follow-up. Posting Part Three tomorrow!


	5. Part Three: Homecoming

**PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER**

 **Part Three: Homecoming**

* * *

It was too easy for Lukas to bury himself in work. It was days like today when he realized that he had neglected himself in the midst of his duties. It was days like today he was glad that he had his own office and he did not have to rest in those god awful on-calls rooms. He snapped shut the blinds on the window overlooking the pediatric department and the one overlooking to courtyard, casting his office in to darkness, and collapsed on his couch. He sprawled out, finally propping up his aching feet.

Lukas was used to having busy days. But, busy days lately included one _Peter Kirkland_ , and it was exhausting constantly chasing after him. He was proud that such a young patient could bounce back from such a serious illness and resulting tragedy, but, dear god, he never sat still. The only time Lukas got any sort of peace was when Berwald would visit.

He had been the one to call Berwald the moment he knew of Peter's fate, of course.

The poor boy was entirely skin and bone. He was barely conscious, sweating, and hot to the touch with fever. His arm was engorged with infection, a very angry shade of purplish-red. What level of neglect he had been subjected to was beyond Lukas; it left him shaking with anger, and he had to take a moment to collect himself before he could properly assess him upon arrival to the hospital. His social worker hovered like a fly at a picnic, not getting involved, but not leaving Lukas alone, either. She would prattle off details when asked a direct question, then shift in to how the situation was going to be handled by the Ministry.

"We've contacted an emergency foster family, of course. But, they won't arrive until maybe morning." She had a manila file folder of paperwork she needed signed before she could release the boy in to the hospital's custody. She had made the mistake of approaching Lukas first with the paperwork and clicking open a pen by his ear; her red-lipstick smile was fake and he hated it.

"Look, lady," he spat, "this little boy is very sick. I do not have time to sign your papers. If you are signing over responsibility to us, then take your damn folder and pen to reception and get the hell out of this examination room." It felt good to be so _mean_ for once.

It had taken most of the night to make sure the little boy, Peter, was out of the woods. He lay, sleeping quietly, all manner of tubes and wires attached to him. His arm had been drained and dressed, but it did not look good, a heavy smell clung to it and Lukas knew what would happen even then. No amount of antibiotics could reverse the damage that had been done. The moment he felt the boy was safe, he blew in to his office, lab coat billowing behind him, and and glanced at the watch on his wrist as he reached for his office phone. 4:47 am.

"'Lo?" The voice was groggy on the other end.

"Oxenstierna." Lukas said, "I'm sorry to wake you I... didn't know who else to call." He was met with silence on the other end of the line, but he could hear the distinct sounds of somebody moving around.

"I'll be righ' there."

It was very much against the rules to share patient information with an outside source, but Lukas didn't care. He was the head of the bloody department, surely he could bend the rules when he needed to. Berwald arrived within an hour and was sitting opposite to Lukas at his desk. He handed Berwald a copy of the boy's chart, and without saying anything, Berwald began to flip through it, eyebrows drawing together the more he read. Lukas lightly drummed his fingers on the desk as he waited, cringing at the noise of every paper flipped when Berwald had finished reading the page.

When he was finally finished reading, he still said nothing, his fingers lightly brushing the name stamped at the top of the chart, 'Peter Kirkland'. Finally, "You wan' to ask me to make 'im an arm."

Lukas nodded. "I know you don't typically work with children-"

"I'll do it." Berwald cut him off, staring at him hard over the rims of his glasses. He nodded once and rose to his feet. "I wan' to see him."

Once in Peter's room Lukas almost regretted calling Berwald at all. He took one look at Peter's sleeping form and collapsed in to one of the chairs at his bedside. He looked up at Lukas, eyes watery, shaking his head.

"It's worse when I know... what I read."

"Yeah," Lukas said softly. The large man was completely undone. He put his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands and openly wept. "Are you...?"

"I'll be fine. Jus' need a minute." Lukas nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him. Berwald was the right person to call. He would make sure Peter survived this.

A pair of foster parents had come to visit the second night with a vase of cheery, yellow daisies, but did not stay long when Lukas explained that Peter was heavily sedated and would not likely wake up for a long time. They did not return and the hospital was given custody of Peter until he was ready to be discharged, and at that time he would become a ward of the state. The paperwork was a nightmare, but Lukas preferred the be able to keep an eye on him without a revolving door of caretakers – no matter how well-meaning they were.

Peter was not woken from his slumber while his medical team determined the fate of his festering limb. When he finally did wake up, he was silent, eyes wide in fear. He listened calmly when Lukas had explained where he was, why, and what had happened. He looked down at where his arm used to be, the stub heavily bandaged and in splints to keep from more damage while it healed. His eyes filled with tears that slowly rolled down his cheeks, but he made no noise at all. He quietly accepted everything Lukas told him. He was more brave than any adult Lukas had encountered with a similar fate.

Every day that passed his sunshiny personality began to shine through. Lukas couldn't help but feel that Mathias would have loved Peter. They likely would have raced in wheelchairs down the hall, disturbing every room they passed. Although, Peter did not need a Mathias to disturb every room within a certain radius of his loud, excitable voice. The nurses thought he was great fun, Lukas thought he was more than a little tiresome (with affection, of course).

He had to admit, though, Peter was a fantastic distraction.

The last letter from Mathias had been weeks ago, and he did not like to dwell on what it could be that was keeping him from sending any further correspondence. If he did, his stomach would tie in to knots and a general feeling of uneasiness would settle in his chest, making it hard to breathe.

He willingly gave himself up when he felt sleep tugging at his consciousness as he lay on his couch in his office. Before falling completely away from reality, he opened his eyes and Mathias was standing in the doorway. His heart fluttered, warmth spreading from his chest all the way down to his fingertips. He loved when he would dream of Mathias. It was the only time he felt like he was at peace; he always slept the best when he dreamed of the bouncing, cheery surgeon.

His Mathias looked different than he normally remembered, but he knew it to be him. He was standing, almost seeming startled, the open door from his office casting him in a harsh back-light. When the door clicked shut, Lukas envisioned Mathias regarding him with, not an unpleasant expression, but not his normal grin, either. His hair was longer than it was when he had left, shaggy and messy around his ears. His face was overshadowed by the beginnings of a beard. His eyes were exactly how Lukas recalled.

"Lukas," his Mathias whispered before crossing the room and kneeling beside the couch where Lukas slept.

"My feet hurt," he said, voice barely above a whisper, "rub them for me, Mathias." Sleep was tugging him further under, but he resisted, not wanting to fall into a dreamless slumber just yet. Then, his Mathias was sitting on the opposite end of the couch, taking Lukas' feet in to his lap. Lukas moaned happily, he could practically imagine how it would feel to have Mathias' thumbs pressing in to the arches of his tired feet, kneading out the tension from the day. Those thumbs rubbed tight circles to the balls of his feet, slid firm on his arch, and worked the stress right out of his heels. Practiced hands massaged his ankles, releasing tension Lukas had no idea he held there, then worked their way up his calves before gliding back down to his soles. Lukas could feel the stress leaving him right out of the tips of his toes. He never wanted to wake up.

He could no longer resist deeper slumber, and he tumbled in the the void with a contented sigh, his lips set in a blissful smile.

He dreamed more of Mathias, his smiling face, his voice, him being nearby. He dreamed of reading over all the letters Mathias had ever sent him, and him rewriting out all of his responses. He dreamed of handing his stack of letters to Mathias personally, the feeling of their hands touching when Mathias accepted them, smiling. He dreamed Mathias cupped a hand around Lukas' face, his thumb brushing along his cheekbone then across his bottom lip. Mathias leaned forward, it was warm against Lukas' lips as Mathias' pressed them against his own. "I'm home now," he heard whispered. Lukas tilted his chin up, leaning in to the feeling of Mathias so close. He wanted to respond, ' _finally_ ', but he did not have a voice.

He slipped further and into a dreamless sleep.

It was still dark in his office when he finally woke. It felt like someone was gently rubbing their hands up and down the tops of his feet. He enjoyed the sensation for a few moments, clinging to the edge of sleep, content to lay still for a little while longer. As he became more aware of his surroundings, the sensation did not cease. His eyes still closed, he roused himself to full wakefulness, his heart felt like it stopped beating, panic crashing over him like a tidal wave. Someone _was_ touching him.

His eyes snapped open and he sat up.

Mathias jerked awake, his head having been resting on the back of the small couch, his hands idly rubbing the feet in his lap. He blinked sleep out of his own eyes, taking a moment before he focused on Lukas sitting upright, back straight as a rod, mouth hanging open.

"You... you're _real_?" was all Lukas managed to choke out. Was he still dreaming? Lukas could see Mathias blinking at him in the gloom of his office, and then Mathias laughed. He certainly _looked_ real, and his laugh _sounded_ real, the warm hands on his feet _felt_ real.

"I hope so!" He said, chuckling. He sat still, smiling wide, watching Lukas as he floundered for understanding.

"But, you're supposed... to be in..." he couldn't breathe. How long had he waited for Mathias to return? How many years had gone by leaving him lonely, patiently waiting. How many letters received and sent, filled with promises to meet again some day. How many times had he envisioned this exact moment? How many times had he feared the worst in the last month alone when Mathias did not send any more letters?

"Yeah," Mathias shrugged, scratching the back of his head and laughing again, "I decided it was time to come back." He _decided.._. Lukas' brain seemed to shut down for a minute, as he stared at Mathias, hardly able to believe his eyes. He very slowly tucked his feet under him and rose to his knees on the couch, Mathias watching him, still smiling. With shaking hands he reached out and touched the side of his face. It was warm under his fingertips and scratchy with facial hair. He brushed the hair out of Mathias' eyes, curling it behind his hear. He trailed his fingers down his throat. He gently pressed his hand against his neck and could feel his heart beating strong and steady before letting it drop to his shoulder. He gathered a handful of Mathias' shirt in his fist, processing how real it felt in his hand.

His own breathing was becoming ragged and fast, on the verge of panic. He wanted nothing more than to throw himself in to Mathias' lap and hug him tightly. He wanted to feel the warm, solid, _real_ body in his arms, just to cement the fact that he was _here_ , he was _home_. He hesitated. It was not proper to display such frivolous emotions akin to a high school girl, Lukas was more reserved than that.

Mathias didn't give him the opportunity to play shy. He wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled Lukas into his lap, his other hand cradling the back of his head. He held him close, tightly, nuzzling his cheek against the top of Lukas' head.

"Hi," Mathias said into his hair. Lukas' heart was beating so hard he couldn't bring himself to open his mouth and respond. Instead, he slid his arms around Mathias' neck, returning the embrace, and began to silently cry.

 _Mathias. Mathias. Mathias._ He had come back. He was alive. He really was here. He was no longer thousands of kilometers away, oceans between them. He would not have to wait for for days or weeks before a mailman would deliver word of his whereabouts, or take Lukas' reply. He could open his mouth and words would spill out and Mathias would hear them. He pressed his face against Mathias' chest, breathing in deeply. _He was here_. He smelled of fabric softener, burnt candles, antibacterial hand soap, and whatever alcoholic beverage he had most recently consumed. It was a strange concoction, but it was his, and it was comforting, and it was right there in Lukas' arms. It was perfectly Mathias.

Lukas turned his face up to visually soak in this wonderful reality. He reached out one of his hands to touch Mathias' face again, brushing his fingers along his jaw.

"You need to shave." He finally found his voice.

"I dunno, I kinda like it. Heh, it's _growin_ ' on me!" He gave a hearty laugh, Lukas regarded him with a blank expression. He sobered, and looked down at Lukas again, eyes bright. His fingers tangled in Lukas' hair and he gave a gentle tug, tipping his head back. He leaned down achingly slow, Lukas' heart pumping hard and erratic in his chest and –

The distinct shrill cry of his pager cut through the air like a knife.

Mathias pouted. Lukas pushed himself out of his lap and stumbled to his desk, knees weak. He found his pager and silenced it, frowning at the message flashing up at him.

"I have to go," he sighed, looking to the man on his couch. He nodded and rolled his eyes.

"Fuckin' perf timing, of course." Despite his clear annoyance at the interruption, his face broke into an easy grin.

"Mathias?" Lukas hesitated, he didn't want to leave... He hadn't even realized how broken he had felt the last several years, he had been numb do it. Now, he felt like his insides were finally thawing after a long, cold winter.

"Yeah?"

"You're... really home?" He made his way to the door, unable to tear his eyes away from Mathias in case he disappeared again.

"I'm really home."

"Good."

With a deep, shuddering breath, he exited his office and returned to the bright halls of the hospital.

* * *

 **AN:** I've been stoked to publish this chapter since I wrote it a few weeks ago! Nice! Even though it's short. We are also finally in "present day" (in regards to the Dr. O storyline)! Now things can get exciting.

My headcanon for Norway is quite internally emotional - I forget that, when I'm writing from his perspective, he may not come across as canon. You probably see more of his stoicism in Dr. O where I don't write from his POV. Gah! Hopefully I'm doing okay.

 **NemoMyName** posted a lovely review asking about why they wrote letters, rather than email/text: Even though Mathias would have had access to phone/internet where he was, I felt they both would more appreciate the sentiment of a handwritten letter. It means so much more when it takes more time to write and longer to receive. I struggled with making it more instant, and opted for traditional mail. I myself LOVE getting "snail mail" and I think that's something Norway especially would really appreciate.

Don't forget, you can follow Sweden x Finland's story over at "Dr. O"! Also, would y'all be interested in reading a Germany x Italy story set in the same universe? I have the beginnings of one written up and am thinking of posting it once I wrap up Dr. O. :)

 **If you feel so inclined, please drop a review! They are so very encouraging!**


	6. Follow-Up 3

**PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER**

 **Follow-Up**

* * *

Mathias had been nervous to see Lukas again at first. He stood with his hand on the office door for a good minute before opening it. He only found the courage because staff were starting to give him funny looks and he didn't want to be told he didn't belong there - all of the MOAs looked new, and to them, he _didn't_ belong there.

 _Lukas_.

He was just as beautiful in person as he remembered. His heart skipped a beat. Lukas was stretched out on the couch like a cat, eyes half-lidded and heavy. He had a peaceful expression on his face, his features lit up by the slice of light cast in the dark room by the open office door. Mathias took in the moment, waiting for his heart to stop thundering, threatening to explode right out of his chest. His legs lurched him forward, the door shutting behind him, and he half-ran half-collapsed to Lukas' side, his knees thudding to the floor beside the couch.

Lukas was thin, his skin paper white, his eyes anchored by heavy, shadowy streaks of sleepless nights; he looked unwell. Mathias frowned, swallowed hard, and breathed out his name, calling to him, it was all the voice he could muster at the moment. He wanted to touch him, feel him under his fingertips, to gather him up and hold him close. His heart ached – he had been away far too long. _Never again._

He held back the bark of laughter when Lukas demanded his feet to be rubbed, that was so like him. He obliged, his usual grin sliding on to his face and replacing his previous concern. He sat himself on the couch and gently placed the pediatrician's feet in to his lap. He rubbed them, watching Lukas' face, he must have been more than half asleep, the way the expressions freely danced across his features with reckless abandon. Lukas settled into the cushion beneath him, his hair splayed messily around his head, the clip he normally wore not keeping anything neat and orderly while he wriggled his body deeper into comfort. His mouth was set in a calm smile.

Matthias could not help himself but to shift his weight and reach forward, trailing his fingers across Lukas' smooth face; his skin was cool to the touch. He leaned in, brushing their lips together in the barest whisper of a kiss, more breathing on his mouth than actual contact. He knew he wanted their first kiss, when it finally happened, to be something to remember. It wouldn't be fair if he got to experience it and Lukas was asleep. He smirked and pulled back, dutifully returning to rubbing the feet in his lap. He tilted his head back and dozed.

.

Matthias waited outside the hospital for Lukas; it had started to rain, little droplets of water staining the canvas duffel bag on the ground at his feet.

He did not move to cover his face, water plipped on to his shoulders, rivulets starting to run down his temples and forehead. He stood motionless under a streetlamp opposite the main entry to the hospital. Lukas was only a few steps out of the doors, also still, staring at him across the street. He wanted to stretch his face into a huge grin, but his breath hitched in his chest and he was paralyzed by the very sight of the pediatrician. He felt like he was living in a world made of molasses, everything was slowed down and nothing else mattered except the pale, blonde man on the other side of the road. Lukas finally made his way towards him, scowling up at the night sky; he covered his head with his hands.

"You idiot," he breathed out when he was close enough for Matthias to hear. "Why are you just standing out here?" His eyes were deadpan, his mouth pinched into a thin, disapproving line.

"I was waiting for you." Lukas rolled his eyes. "Let's go for a walk."

"Pardon?" Lukas looked offended by the very suggestion. He motioned towards the sky, "in this weather? Besides, it's the middle of the night and I just got off of a very long shift."

Matthias chuckled and grabbed hold of his wrist, reaching down for his bag with his other hand and slung it over his shoulder. He didn't listen to Lukas' weak protests, instead, he pulled him down the street, away from the hospital. He was looking for somewhere to walk to, scanning the streets, blinking the rain out of his eyelashes.

"I'm getting soaked!" Lukas said, he tugged his captive hand, trying to get Matthias to turn back towards the bright, warm, _dry_ hospital at their backs. "And why on earth are you hauling around luggage?"

Matthias paused for a moment to adjust the bag on his shoulder; he looked back at the smaller doctor who was wiping his dripping bangs from his face, glaring.

"Oh, I came straight from the airport and haven't gone home, yet." He probably should have gone home instead of wait for the doctor to finish his shift, but he had not wanted to leave. Not yet, not again.

"What?!" Lukas eyes widened a fraction before he composed his face back to his neutral glare. ' _You idiot_ ' was left unspoken, but Matthias heard it on Lukas' lips and laughed.

He pulled Lukas along again, then suddenly changed directions, leading them into a small park. The street lights only illuminated the edges of a grassy field before the rest fell into darkness, shadows of trees dotted throughout like giant statues; wind and rain ran through the leaves creating a never ending sound of soft applause. Lights glimmered in the distance on the other side of the park.

"This is ridiculous, where are you taking me?" Matthias wasn't exactly sure, he just knew it needed to be away, free from distraction.

"Somewhere not the hospital," he responded simply, both of their shoes squelching in the rain-soaked grass. He pulled the pediatrician along until they were standing somewhere in the middle of the darkened park, nothing but open sky above them and puddles at their feet. He dropped his bag to the ground, it landed with a wet _thwap_ , and he turned to face Lukas. They stood in silence while both their eyes adjusted to the gloom. He was still gripping Lukas' wrist, and he slid his hand down down, forcing his palm open, lacing their fingers together.

"I wanted to get away from the smells and sounds," he explained. He could just make out Lukas' eyebrows as they knit together, he shifted his weight from one foot to another. "I've brought you here to make good on something I promised more than a hundred times." His voice sounded rough in his own ears.

"What?" Lukas shifted his weight again, fingers tightening around Matthias'. He hadn't actually counted how many letters he had sent Lukas over the years, it didn't really matter. He was close enough to finally collect, away from anything that could pull either of them apart.

He reached out his free hand, brushing his fingertips against Lukas' face; it felt cold and wet with rain. He smoothed the hair sticking to his forehead away, curling it around his ears. He felt Lukas' breath catch when his fingers gently ran across his bottom lip and down, taking a hold of his chin.

He leaned down, pausing, their lips a hairsbreadth apart.

"I'm going to kiss you now that you're close enough," he whispered, waiting a moment. When no protest came, he dropped his lips down. It was a simple kiss at first, chaste and warm. Then, he started moving their lips together. Lukas responded like their mouths had always been together, one an extension of the other, made to be connected.

Matthias let go of Lukas' hand and pulled him closer by his waist, holding him tightly. Lukas' hands found their way around Matthias' neck, loosely looping around him, one gently weaving fingers through his hair, the other hanging in the air. Matthias poured every ounce of longing he had felt all while he had been away into that kiss. His hand clutched the back of Lukas' white coat, balling the fabric in his fist. His knees were shaking. Lukas ran his cool tongue over Matthias burning lips, lightly requesting to deepen their connection. With a delighted hum rolling through his chest Matthias obliged, parting both their mouths, tongues curling around each other, not fighting for dominance, but a mutual exploration, gentle and warm.

They kissed in the darkened park, Matthias no longer noticing the rain that pelted them, soaking through clothes to bare skin. His whole body was vibrating with need: the need to taste every inch of Lukas, for his hands to touch him everywhere, the need to feel Lukas pressed flush against him, their breathing at the same quickened tempo, short and shallow. Matthias felt his mouth transition into a more aggressive pattern, bruising, and Lukas inhaled sharply through his nose. His hand left his chin, sliding down Lukas' neck and around to take a fist full of his soaking hair. The other released the knot of coat, sliding slower to squeeze and press Lukas harder against him, so he could feel just how much he _wanted_ the smaller doctor.

Lukas made a small noise into Matthias' mouth and he chucked. He tore their lips apart and pressed their foreheads together.

"I have wanted you for so long." Lukas said nothing in response, trying to gain purchase on his gasping breaths. Matthias wrapped both his arms around Lukas' waist, hugging him close, and Lukas nuzzled his nose into his cheek, his breath warm against Matthias' mouth.

Rain continued to fall.

* * *

 **AN:** You know, this was the story that was supposed to be more dramatic, and Dr O was supposed to be fluffy... OH how things have changed, eh?

MOA = Medical Office Assistant/Receptionist

See you this weekend with Part Four!

 **Feel free to drop a review! They are very encouraging.**


	7. Part Four: Tino

**PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER**

 **Part Four: Tino**

* * *

 **AN:** Special thanks to **Heather** who read an EMT/First Aid manual out loud to me during the research phase for this chapter.

Chief of Staff is my own character.

* * *

The Chief of Staff was not a young man by any stretch of the imagination. He had a square face decorated in liver spots, and thinning paper-white hair neatly combed back and around his large ears. His blue eyes were encased in years of laugh lines, but right now he was frowning at Matthias.

"Dr. Schroeder ," Matthias said, "please, you _know_ I'm the best damn surgeon you've ever met."

"Dr. Kohler," the Chief's voice was gravely with age and he spoke in a thick German accent, though his tone was not unfriendly, "you've been away for almost five years. Your position at this hospital was long ago given up to another doctor. We could not operate the ER down a surgeon and hope you'd return one day."

"Can't you get rid of one?" the Chief raised an eyebrow, frown deepening and Matthias sighed heavily, "this is my _home."_

"I'm sorry, Matthias. It's not in the budget to hire another surgeon right now." Matthias slumped into his seat in defeat, blowing air out of puffed cheeks. He needed to find a job somewhere and soon, but the idea of working anywhere other than this hospital, his home, made his stomach drop to his feet. He had not fully planned his return from Zambia and he was paying for that now. The only good thing about being home was Lukas.

"However," he perked up when the Chief spoke again, the air in the room heavy with a pregnant pause; grinning, he leaned forward in his chair, "I could hire you for on-call staff – it's not much, but it'll keep you out of trouble until I can convince the board to take you back full-time." Matthias whooped. "I hate to inflate your ego, but you really are one of the best damn surgeons I've ever met."

"Thanks, Chief," he stood and shook the older man's hand, "when can I start?"

"As soon as I can have a pager issued for you."

"Excellent!"

He swaggered out of the office and headed for the Pediatric ward to tell Lukas the good news . He glanced at his watch, it read 6:10 pm.

Lukas was trailing after a set of medical students, looking bored, supervising them while they did their evening rounds. Matthias let himself into the pediatrician's office and flopped on to the couch, throwing his arm over his eyes.

He'd lost more money than made it while working in Zambia; although, while he did have fantastic learning experiences, he felt a little put-out that he wasn't feeling as fulfilled as he had originally planned. Of course, when he first filled out his application he had not thought he'd be leaving behind someone he loved; Lukas hadn't been in the picture yet and he hadn't dared to dream that romance was a possibility. Part of the reason why he wanted to leave was to remove himself from the temptation and certain heartbreak.

Matthias knew he had made a positive difference to the immediate people around him, and he felt good that he could have been part of a noble project, but it had come at too high a cost. He lost years that could have potentially been the best of his life in exchange for some of the worst in his life. He still hadn't told Lukas much of what happened to him, he wasn't sure if he would be able to fully tell his story. Thankfully, Lukas never pressed the matter.

As he began to doze off, he couldn't help but wonder if heartbreak still wasn't in the cards for him. Over the years he had fallen in love with Lukas' letters; and while they _were_ Lukas, being with him in person was different. Neither of them knew exactly how to behave. Their hearts had already been cracked open and on display for one another, but never while looking each other in the eye. It was an interesting dynamic to a relationship that was years old, yet still brand new.

At least he was on his way to getting his old job back; he smiled. He had so desperately missed harassing the pediatrician while he tried to work. This time, however, he'd be able to pull him into supply closets in the hall and ravage him while he tried to work... A whole new kind of annoyance could be achieved now that they were together.

He was startled awake by hands sliding up his abdomen under his shirt, another body climbing on to the couch and nestling on top of him. Matthias hummed happily as Lukas' head nuzzled into his neck under his chin, his blond hair tickling his face.

"You look stupid," Lukas murmured, decorating Matthias' throat with feather-light kisses, "what are you grinning about?"

"Mmm, it looks like I'll be able to get my old job back," he chucked low in his chest as Lukas propped himself up on his elbows, eyes wide, "eventually." He leaned up and captured the pediatrician's lips in his own, kissing him soft and slow. He loved the feeling of their lips pressed together, their breath mingling between them. Lukas immediately responded, shifting his weight so he had one leg on either side of Matthias, one of his feet planted firmly on the floor, keeping him steady. Matthias squirmed under his fingertips tracing light, dancing patterns on his bare skin under his shirt. Lukas leaned into the kiss, quickening their pace, his tongue trailing along Matthias' bottom lip.

Matthias loved the way Lukas would kiss him with such abandon, unashamed by his desire. He was so shy except when their lips were connected. Then, his feelings would pour out, practically bursting like a damn after a rainstorm. He would lap at Matthias' lips until he finally gave in, parting both their mouths, only to have his bottom lip lightly bit and sucked, drawing out moans of pleasure. Lukas' favorite game seemed to be making Matthias produce as much noise as possible, especially in places where someone might chance by and hear. He felt Lukas smile when he sighed heavily and arched his back under those cool hands trailing teasing fingers up and down his abdomen and chest.

Lukas pulled him into a sitting position, their lips parting only so he could pull Matthias' shirt up and over his head, tossing it to the floor beside the couch. Matthias wrapped his arms around the smaller doctor, one hand pressed on his lower back, the other sliding up to grab a fistful of hair. Their lips met in an open-mouthed kiss, tongues sparring for dominance.

Matthias knew he was fighting a losing battle when Lukas' hands were sliding all over him, dancing up his chest, scratching down his back, gripping his forearms. He loved when Lukas touched him, no matter where or how it was. Lukas had him completely undone the moment he reached out one of his hands; Matthias' eyes would flutter shut and he'd lean into the touch like a kitten begging for scratches under his chin, and he'd make a noise of content in the back of his throat like a purr. Matthias would shiver in the wake of his touches, he'd arch into them, whatever Lukas was giving him was never quite enough; he wanted his hands everywhere all at once.

He pulled their lips apart again, grinning, then brought his mouth to Lukas' neck; he'd only win this fight if he played dirty. Even though he'd only been home for a brief amount of time, he already knew how Lukas would melt into him when he created a trail of light purple marks down his throat and collarbone. Matthias had delightfully discovered that Lukas loved to be bit, scratched, sucked, claimed. He especially loved his neck to be kissed, right under his ear, and would dissolve into a quivering puddle the moment Matthias spent any amount of attention there. Lukas gasped, fingers digging into Matthias' shoulders.

Matthias was about to rip Lukas' lab coat and scrub top from his lean body when the shrill cry of a pager caused both men to jump.

Lukas pushed Matthias away and untangled himself from the couch, rising to his feet with a dark scowl on his lips. He fished the offending pager from his coat pocket, his discontent deepening as he read the message displayed on the little screen.

" _We_... are needed in the ER." Lukas looked up, eyebrows raised. Matthias blinked.

"Me too?" He wasn't officially staff again, it didn't make sense that he was being paged. He sat up and reached for his shirt that had been discarded on the floor and pulled it on as he stood. Lukas said nothing, but waited patiently by the door for Matthias to make himself presentable, opening it when the surgeon gave a ready nod.

Together then walked through the pediatric ward and through the set of double doors towards the elevator that would take them down to the Emergency Department. As soon as they were through the doors and passing reception, one of the MOAs reached out over the desk and grabbed at Lukas' sleeve, indicating that she had been the one to page them there.

"Dr. Bondevik," she said with wide eyes and Lukas arched a brow at her, "the incoming ambo has a Rapid Transport Category patient coming in that you may know." Lukas froze, he glanced back at Matthias and then towards the girl behind the desk.

"Who is it?"

"Tino Vainamoinen."

Matthias' brain stuttered as he tried to process what she said.

Tino, the cheery receptionist Lukas had loved so much, the very same one that Berwald had taken with him when he left the hospital to open his own clinic. He recalled Berwald's letter he had received shortly before leaving Zambia and the words of affection the stoic doctor had used to describe him. He knew Tino fairly well himself after years of trying to get Lukas' attention, he'd had many conversations with the man. Tino always smiled at Matthias and was polite and only got mad at him on a handful of occasions (and each time Matthias fully deserved it). He couldn't imagine Tino coming in to the ER for anything other than a social visit.

He wanted to ask what sort of RTC, it was such a broad spectrum of problems, but his voice stopped working and Lukas also seemed to be unable to ask anything further; it was likely she didn't know much else. Was he in cardiac arrest? Not breathing? Bleeding out? Unconscious due to some unknown reason?

Matthias waited impatiently, chewing on his bottom lip, as the ambulance screamed up to the ER doors. He watched as a silver-haired EMT leapt from the driver's side of the vehicle and ran to the back, ripping open the rear doors and helping take down the stretcher inside. Matthias felt a wave of relief when he recognized the paramedics coming in – he'd dealt with the German brothers fairly often; they were an excellent team. Gilbert Beilschmidt and his brother Ludwig ran into the ER with the stretcher between them. Matthias didn't get a good look at the body laying on the top as the waiting emergency doctor and nurses surrounded them.

"Possible spinal injury, struck by car, one victim," Ludwig called, handing the ER doctor his patient information sheet, "he lost quite a bit of blood at the scene."

"What was his Glasgow Coma Score?"

"Two plus two plus four, total eight."

"Vitals?"

"Low respirations with some stridor, pulse has been consistently thready, pupils sluggish, but reactive to light, skin cool and clammy."

Matthias' head was buzzing, his brain slow to translate what bits of conversation he could overhear. He clawed at his memory, trying to recall the Glasgow Coma Score chart he knew he had memorized, filed away somewhere.

"His eyes would open in response to painful stimuli," Matthias explained in a whisper to Lukas beside him, information flooding back into his head, "he was unintelligible and moaning at the scene. He would reflexively respond to pain." It was hard to tell from the score if there was any sort of brain damage, it could go either way, but the fact he was responding at all, even if only by reflex, was a good sign. There was no injury to the spinal cord. Quickened, weak pulse and cool skin, however... "He's going in to shock." He looked down at Lukas, then back to the crowd of medical staff. _What on earth had happened_?

He strained to see the patient on the spineboard, hoping he wouldn't recognize whomever was on it, that there had been some sort of miscommunication with the patient's name. He could feel Lukas beside him, one of his hands having moved to lightly hold on to Matthias' shoulder. There was a break in the surge of people and he froze, heart pounding in his ears. He only got a glimpse of Tino, but it was more than enough to confirm who the patient was. His neck was wrapped in solid collar keeping him steady on the stretcher, his hair blood-stained and sticky. An oxygen mask was over his face, held in place by a nurse wheeling him toward the OR surrounded by the rest of the ER team. His pants had been cut away at the thigh, one of his legs tightly bound with a tourniquet at his knee.

"Oh God," he breathed out, reaching back to grab on to Lukas' hand. It did not look good. He could only watch with his mouth hanging open as they wheeled Tino past him at a run. He looked down at Lukas, who had lost all colour in his face, eyes unnaturally wide as he watched his favorite receptionist taken away by unfamiliar doctors.

"Who... are the surgeons on staff tonight?" He untangled himself from Matthias and ran to reception; Matthias turned to the two paramedics, who were beginning their paperwork, not far away.

"Beilschmidt!" He called as he jogged over and both men looked up. "You found him? What happened?"

The silver-haired brother shook his head, the blonde bending back down to fill out his paperwork. "He's a lucky kid. Hit and run," Gilbert said, "some aristocratic guy happened to see the whole thing go down."

"What was he like at the scene?"

Ludwig glanced up and sighed, "the witness said he was talking at first, but by the time we got there he stopped making much sense."

"You knew him, _ja_?" Gilbert asked and Matthias nodded.

"He used to work here. He was one of the receptionists in Pediatrics."

"He the one that left with Dr. Oxenstierna?" Matthias nodded again and Gilbert gave a low whistle, Ludwig started fiddling with a gold band around his finger. Lukas wandered over, arms crossed tight over his chest.

"I don't like not knowing the surgeon on tonight," he said and nodded in greeting to the two paramedics, Ludwig nodded back and Gilbert saluted with a grin, they both turned their attention to the paperwork in their laps.

Matthias wanted to reach out and wrap his arms around Lukas; he felt like he needed the comfort as much as he knew Lukas did; it was never easy when someone from your own team turns up where you never want to see someone you know.

He couldn't sit idle. He needed to do _something_.

"I'm getting in on that surgery." He announced, turning on his heel and walking away from Lukas and the two paramedics. He was the best goddamned surgeon in this hospital, official staff or not, and if anyone was going to help Tino, it was going to be him.

He made it as far as the scrub station, and was angrily washing his forearms when a heavy hand dropped on to his shoulder.

"You are going in to surgery while wearing jeans and a t-shirt, friend?" Matthias stopped what he was doing and turned to face the man behind him.

His pale, icy blue eyes were smiling behind his surgical mask, his cap decorated in a sunflower pattern. Even though he was only an inch or so taller than Matthias, he had a way of carrying himself that made him seem larger than life, his broad shoulders squared back, posture straight and rigid.

"Dr. Braginsky," Matthias sighed heavily. They stood in silence for a minute as Matthias considered what to do. His felt like his internal organs were sinking into his feet as he thought about why the orthopedic surgeon had been called to Tino's OR. "He's my friend, Ivan."

"Many of us knew and loved Tino," Ivan pulled his mask down, revealing a sympathetic smile on his lips, his cheeks flushed pink, a striking contrast from his unearthly pale skin tone, "let me take care of your small friend. I will make sure he pulls through."

The door to the hall opened and the Chief poked his head in, glaring at Matthias.

"You'd better not be doing what I think you're doing, Matthias."

"No, no!" Ivan laughed, pulling his mask back up over his face, "he was just wishing me luck! If he's doing anything in this surgery, he will be watching from the viewing gallery, isn't that right, Matthias?" Ivan's words and tone were friendly, but there was a glint in his eye that suggested there would be painful consequences if Matthias were to disagree. He nodded his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

He felt helpless as he watched Ivan scrub in, snap on a pair of blue gloves and approach Tino's broken body laid out on the cold, hard operating room table. Dr. Schroeder was still standing by the door behind him, likely making sure that Matthias wouldn't make more of a scene. They both watched in silence as the anesthesiologist made sure Tino was fully unconscious and the surgical team started to discuss what they should do first.

Matthias dried his hands and angrily threw the paper towel into the garbage; brushing his way past the Chief of Staff, he stomped up to the viewing gallery. Lukas was already there.

He watched, stone-faced, as the team below him first stopped any profuse bleeding. They shaved Tino's pale hair away from his head and stitched up the gruesome gash on his scalp, a nurse tightly bandaging it. He watched as they ripped off his shirt, assessed his flail chest, listened to his breathing. He watched as they cut away whatever was left of his pants, inspecting Tino's crushed leg. He did not look away as Dr. Braginsky glanced up at the viewing gallery before calling for a bone saw.

Lukas buried his face in Matthias' shoulder.

.

The two sat until the cleaning crew came to mop up the operating room, Tino long having been wheeled out and to recovery.

"We need to call Berwald," Lukas said at last, sighing heavily and running a hand through his hair. Matthias nodded and reached for his cellphone, dialing the number before he even thought about what he was going to say.

The cheery lilt in Berwald's voice threw him off, he had never heard him sound so light-hearted before. The way Tino's name rolled off his tongue, like it was the most natural word in the world for Berwald to ever say. The sudden realization that Berwald had no idea what had happened to Tino hit him like a ton of bricks, knocking him flat to his back. He barely managed to choke out Berwald's name.

Lukas reached for the phone before the situation spiraled out of control; Matthias listened as he spoke, calm and even, like nothing in the world was wrong. He didn't listen to the words he used, just the tone of his voice. Cold, calculating. He knew that's not how Lukas felt about the situation, but it still made his gut twist in an angry knot.

Matthias hadn't been that close to Tino, but seeing him spread out on an operating table had still rocked him off of his axis. Everyone who knew Tino knew how special he was, and he couldn't imagine being so emotionless about the whole thing.

He rose to his feet and walked out of the viewing gallery, not bothering to wait for Lukas to finish and catch up.

* * *

 **LEARN SOMETHING!**

 **The Glasgow Score Chart** is used in order to give an objective account for how conscious a person is after an accident/trauma.

It is broken down into three portions, or responses, that are always in the same order: Eye opening, verbal, motor (movement). These are tallied and given an overall score. The lower the score, the more severe the patient risk, the higher the score, the more conscious they are.

 **EYES**

Patient spontaneously opens eyes - 4

Opens eyes with verbal command (sometimes needs to be shouted) – 3

Opens eyes due to painful stimulus (poke with a pen, squeeze trapezius muscle) – 2

No response/eyes remain closed – 1

 **VERBAL**

Coherent, speaking reasonably clearly – 5

Confused, but understandable – 4

Inappropriate words or curses – 3

Unintelligible, moaning – 2

Unresponsive – 1

 **MOTOR**

Limbs are moved as instructed or patient can stick out tongue when asked – 6

No verbal response, but moves when requested – 5

Withdrawal from painful stimulus – 4

Decorticate posturing (stiff, bent inwards, like curling up on oneself) – 3

Decerebrate posturing (stiff, stretching out) – 2

No movement – 1

(Motor response will be measured with the best possible scenario. For example, if a patient has suffered spinal injury and one side of their body is paralyzed, motor movement will be measured on the side/portion of the body that is responsive)

 **Total scores** of 13 or higher show minor trauma. 8-12 is moderate. 8 and lower is severe. Decorticate and decerebrate posturing can be a sign of neurological trauma/brain damage.

* * *

See you for the follow-up appointment in a few days!

 **Please review! Kiss kiss!**


	8. Follow-Up 4

**PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER**

 **Follow-Up**

* * *

Lukas watched Matthias walk out of the viewing gallery out of the corner of his eye. He had thought nothing of it until he tried to find him after his phone call with Berwald. Matthias was suddenly impossible to locate. It wasn't until Berwald turned up at the hospital, little Peter in hand, that he reappeared, face uncharacteristically unreadable.

Berwald haltingly explained that Peter was living with him now, he didn't offer much further explanation, unable to talk after his eyes fell onto Tino's still form in the hospital bed.

Unsure of what exactly to do to help, or even if there was anything he _could_ do, Lukas simply stood in the doorway with Matthias silent at his side, watching as Berwald tired to hold himself together for the sake of the boy sitting next to him.

When Matthias turned to walk away, Lukas' hand darted out to catch his wrist.

"What is wrong with you?" He hoped Matthias would catch the ' _aside from the obvious_ ' that he left unspoken. His eyes were hard and distant as they looked down at Lukas, causing his heart to drum up into his throat. Matthias tried to pull away. He tightened his grip and moved to fall into step with the surgeon, to make it clear that he was going to follow wherever he tried to escape.

Matthias heaved a sigh, his eyes wandering back to the hospital room, watching Berwald, Tino, and Peter for a moment before he dragged them back down to Lukas. "This is..." he swallowed, "hard. This should be hard and you are making it look so easy." The bitter venom in his tone startled Lukas and he released his wrist, his mouth parting in surprise. This was not easy for him – of anyone, he had hoped that Matthias would be the one to know this. "I know you so well, Lukas," Matthias continued, "I have seen your heart on display. I know that you are emotional, but seeing you cover it all up... I'm not used to it."

Their relationship had been entirely on paper up until Matthias had returned. He was far more eloquent on paper than he was in person, better able to represent his emotions; but, Matthias _knew_ this about him. He had known Lukas before he went away to Zambia. Had so many years apart caused him to forget? If it was so easy for him to lose track of a major personality trait, what else would he be blinded to? Did he really know Lukas at all, or had he imagined up a new person through his letters, molding in his mind somebody that suited him better?

"If you think any part of this evening has been easy," he ground out, "you are mistaken." He wanted to yell at him, to shout that Matthias _knew_ he was a quiet person. He'd spent years following him around. Even in the last couple weeks of finally being home he hadn't been outwardly expressive except when in private. Had he not noticed?

He forced down his anger and masked how upset he felt over this revelation with a cool expression. He made sure his face relaxed into neutral, putting up a stoic wall to hide behind. He loved Tino, he knew Berwald fairly well from his days working in the same hospital, he had a good relationship with the people sitting in the hospital room, broken. It hurt him to see people he was familiar with going through something, anything, as painful as losing a limb. Not to mention seeing someone you loved go through that level of loss. On top of it all, Lukas knew Peter. Poor Peter whose life had been nothing but a whirlwind was sitting in there, face almost as neutral as Lukas knew his to appear. There was a cloud of devastation, hurt, confusion, and grief hanging heavy over that hospital room,and Lukas was helpless to aid them in any way.

And now the one person who he had thought knew him better than anyone else in the world was turning his back on him, like he never really knew him at all.

They stood in awkward, stony silence, watching Berwald melt into his grief and Peter fall asleep in the chair next to him.

"I'm going to take Peter home," Matthias said suddenly, lurching into the room. Lukas said nothing, watching as Matthias tapped Berwald on the shoulder and exchange a brief, silent conversation. Berwald handed Matthias his keys, he scooped Peter up into his arms, and walked out of the room past Lukas.

He did not bother to go after them.

.

Lukas stayed up late on Saturday, hoping Matthias would call.

He didn't. His makeshift bed in the corner of the living room remained unslept in for several days; Lukas had grown used to seeing Matthias every morning when he woke up, making himself breakfast or chatting to a grumpy Emil.

It unsettled him how quickly he had grown accustomed to domestic life with the surgeon after only being home from Zambia for a short while. Emil had been unhappy when Lukas announced that he would be staying with them in their small townhouse. They had fought about it extensively before he finally agreed, under the stipulation that Matthias was to sleep in the living room, and not with his elder brother, insisting that he didn't "want to hear anything strange during the night." Lukas had burned red with a blush at the insinuation, but did not argue his point, simply happy his brother was finally agreeing. Matthias had been thrilled that he had a place to stay until he figured out his job and found his own apartment.

Matthias didn't call until very early Tuesday morning.

"I got called in to work," was all he said as soon as Lukas picked up.

"Pardon?"

"I got called in to work, I can't stay here with Peter for the day."

"You need me to babysit," He stated. Lukas tried to swallow his rage, to keep it out of his voice, but he knew he had not been fully able to mask the bite in his words. There was no verbal response. He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair, "I work tonight, so I have to leave by-"

"That's fine. I'll be back by four. I need to get going, so can you come over right away?"

"Fine."

He had tried to look friendly, unimposing to Peter when he awoke and found him there; he knew it must have been a shock to the boy, Lukas had likely been nothing more than part of a bad memory from his stay in the hospital. He wanted to reach out to him, to make sure he was okay, but he held himself in check. He was just another adult in the whirlwind of his life, spinning out of control.

He'd nearly laughed out loud when Peter asked where "uncle" Matthias was. That was cute.

When he left for work in the evening, Matthias grabbed his shoulder before he could fully disappear out the front door.

"Come back here when you're done," he looked earnest, his eyes pleading.

"Why?" He shrugged the familiar hand off him.

"We need to talk, Lukas," he didn't want to talk. As mad as he was, he wasn't ready for _that_ conversation, what the felt he knew was coming. It was never good when somebody needed to talk, especially with that expression and that tone of voice.

"My days off don't start until Thursday." Then, at least, he'd have a few days to himself to recover. Matthias nodded and asked him to come as soon as he was able, even if it was in the middle of the night.

Wednesday seemed to creep by, Lukas could hardly focus on the tasks at hand, so he spent much of his day locked away in his office, pretending to do paperwork. It was midnight before he finally convinced himself to leave the safety of his office and head back to Berwald's. He texted Matthias, telling him he was on his way. He had half a mind to stand him up, so he could know how it felt to be ignored. But, he knew he couldn't run from all of his problems.

He returned to Berwald's, silently wondering what he was going to do if Matthias was asleep – would the front door even be unlocked? If it was, would he wake him in Berwald's room? Would he crash on the couch until morning?

The door flew open before he had a chance to knock or try the handle, Lukas almost cried out when arms enveloped him in a crushing hug. This was not how he thought the night would go. He hadn't mentally prepared himself for this.

"Lukikins, I know you've been mad at me, but I can't take it anymore!" Matthias pulled away and Lukas blinked. His voice seemed to have run away. "We just have to get used to each other again," he said, "and so I've been doing a lot of thinking about how to make things easier." He pulled Lukas into the apartment by both of his wrists, leading him into the dining room and sitting him into one of the chairs. In front of him was a simple, leather notebook and ballpoint pen. "We are used to communicating in writing," he said, sliding into the chair next to him and reaching out to hold one of Lukas' hands. "Just because we are physically together again doesn't mean that we have to lose that part of our relationship. We already know that it works." He flipped open the cover of the book and through to the beginning of lined paper, the first few pages already filled with Matthias' familiar scrawl. "So, let's talk," he said, cupping his chin in his hand.

Lukas wasn't sure how to respond. On one hand he felt a bit silly that they needed to pass notes to each other in order to have a proper conversation. On the other, it was incredibly touching that Matthias had been thinking on how they could get past their recent barrier. He felt a bit guilty that he, rather than sulking and being angry, hadn't been searching for a solution. He looked from the journal to Matthias, almost unable to keep the emotion from his eyes - he wasn't even sure what he would call what he was feeling.

"Matt–" his voice cracked, Matthias squeezed his hand and smiled.

"Just read, then write. I'm gonna go lay down, it's fuckin' late and I'm exhausted." He laughed and dropped a kiss onto Lukas' head before shuffling off to Berwald's room, the door closing behind him with a soft _click_.

Lukas stared at the journal open in front of him...

.

 _Dearest Lukas;_

 _It seems you keep things inside too much and I let too much out! Let's meet in the middle in a familiar medium._

 _Seeing Tino so broken effected me so much more than I had anticipated. After some reflection, this might stem from my time in Zambia (that's a story for another day)._

 _I have not forgotten that you are so much more emotionally reserved than I (I have a feeling this is something that's been going through your head the last couple days). You're so much more mature than me. At the very least, better at handling yourself. I've always admired your ability to stay so calm, even in the worst of situations. Even when it comes to friends and loved ones, it seems._

 _My outburst and initial anger came from my own inability to do anything useful. I couldn't help Tino the only way I know how, and I wasn't sure what you needed, or even if I could have given it to you..._

 _I couldn't even hold myself together to tell Berwald. I've delivered worse news in worse situations before. I'm not sure why I froze up. I was_ useless _._

 _Then, hearing your tone – it was frightening. I know you so well and hearing your voice carry such a heavy burden with so much ease... I knew you felt more than what you made it sound, but it was the final crack in the glass walls I had built up around myself._

 _I am sorry I didn't talk to you – you had tried, I realize. I'm just a stubborn asshole._

 _The more time that went by, the angrier I thought you felt. You didn't come after me, either. I'm not sure why I was so bitter about that, in hindsight, you probably didn't even understand my frustration or silence. I guess I just needed time to think things through._

 _When Berwald announced he had Peter to worry about now, I thought, finally! Here is a way that I can help! That was something I knew I could handle._

 _So that brings us to the present._

 _I should have swallowed my pride and reached out sooner, but I was an idiot. I'm sorry for it. You're my best friend, Lukas, and I mistreated that._

 _I miss you so much, Lukas._

 _Love, Matthias_

 _._

Lukas sat back in his chair. He took the pen provided and held it, ready to record his own response.

.

 _Matthias;_

 _It seems we have both been fools._

 _I was not sure what was wrong with you, only that I grew angrier with each passing day of your silence. I didn't understand why you would shut me out and seem angry at the way I handle my emotions. I know I can be difficult to read, but I was hurt that you seemed to have forgotten so easily. I also seemed to have forgotten that you need time to process, just like I do, and sometimes how you do that is through anger and silence. The more I think about it, the more I remember you storming away after an argument with Berwald and shutting yourself away for hours before finally reappearing._

 _It seems I did the exact thing that I thought you had done – I forgot something important. Only, you never actually forgot. I'm only just now realizing this._

 _Seeing Tino like that broke my heart. It was only further shattered by witnessing the deep love Berwald has for Tino – that could have easily been you or I. I'm not finished processing the whole situation and I'm not even sure how exactly I feel._

 _I hope you can forgive me for not going after you._

 _I need you, I miss you, I love you._

 _As soon as you are able, please come home._

 _Lukas xo_

.

It wasn't as elegant as Matthias', but it was late, he was tired, and he didn't want to spend another minute away from the man that was only a room away from him.

He took the journal and padded into the bedroom.

It was impossibly dark, he had to feel his way to the bed in the unfamiliar space, he sat on the edge of it when his knees his the mattress. He found Matthias' hands and pressed the book into them. He stirred, reaching away, likely placing it on the bedside table next to him to read in the morning.

Then, he pulled Lukas down to lay next to him, wrapping his body around him in a hug that was almost too tight, burying his nose in Lukas' hair.

Lukas sighed happily, leaning into the embrace, and whispered, "I love you so much, you idiot."

.

Lukas woke up disoriented. The room was dark (what time was it?), the bed felt unfamiliar, and he was alone. He sat up, groggily rubbing his eyes.

He stumbled his way out of the room, rubbing his eyes at the shock of light when he opened the door to the rest of the apartment, morning sun streaming in through the windows. Matthias was puttering in the kitchen.

"Morning!" He called cheerily as Lukas shuffled in the direction he hoped contained coffee. "Did you sleep at all?"

"I can't..." words escaped him most of the time, but his brain was too fuzzy first thing in the morning, especially before caffeine. Matthias chuckled and pushed a steaming mug of coffee, the sweet nectar of life, into his hands.

After several minutes of still silence, Lukas began to busy himself in the kitchen, preparing what he could find for breakfast. Matthias had already sliced a tomato and pulled out the ingredients for simple, open-faced sandwiches, so he busied himself putting them together, taking sips from his coffee as he did so.

Matthias was bouncing on the balls of his feet, watching Lukas drink his coffee and make their breakfast. He finally broke the quiet, "so I read the entry in our communication book!" Lukas resisted the urge to glare and placed his mug on the counter. They stared at each other. Matthias reached out and wrapped his arms around Lukas' waist, pressing a warm, soft kiss on his forehead. "I forgive you, do you forgive me?"

"Yes, you dork," Lukas sighed, sliding his hands up onto his chest, fiddling with the fabric of his t-shirt. He was infinitely relieved that they had found a solution to the stony silence between them and it had not ended, as he had anticipated, in a breakup. Now the only issue left was-

There was a soft clearing of a throat from behind them and Lukas jumped, shoving Matthias away. Matthias went flying backwards, crying out as his back connected with the counter-top behind him. He burst into laughter before greeting the sleepy Peter, standing like a deer in the headlights in the kitchen entryway.

Instead of saying anything, Lukas simply handed him a plate of breakfast and motioned for him to go to the dining room. He trailed after him with the cup of orange juice and his own plate with a piece of toasted bread and the ingredients for his own sandwich on the side. He went back to the kitchen for his mug, refilling it with coffee, and shooting a meaningful look in Matthias' direction that he hoped screamed, ' _behave yourself_ '.

Peter asked after Dr. O and Lukas answered to the best of his ability, Matthias slipping into silence as he zoned out, staring at the TV on the other side of the room.

Lukas had popped in a handful of times to visit Berwald and Tino while he had been at work, just to see how they were doing. Tino was doing remarkably well for having been hit by a car and suffering through the loss of a limb. Berwald seemed to be barely hanging on by a thread, his face had been pale and drawn, he jumped at every little noise. He looked as if he hadn't been sleeping well – which was understandable. There's only so much anyone can sleep while sitting in a chair next to a hospital bed. And yet, he refused to leave Tino's side.

Peter's face had fallen from hopeful curiosity into a thoughtful expression, chewing on his lip and wiggling in his seat. Lukas nudged Matthias with his foot, hoping to draw his attention to his self-proclaimed nephew. He couldn't carry on the entire conversation with the child, he hardly knew him.

"Maybe I should go back to school soon." He said and Lukas blinked, Matthias only grunted. Exasperated, he resisted the urge to walk into the living room and turn off the TV so Matthias would _pay attention_. Instead, he forced a smile and told Peter he thought that was a wonderful idea. Although, if he was honest, he wasn't sure that it was. Peter seemed to be doing well on the surface, but he had worked with children long enough to recognize that there was more going on behind carefully built-up walls.

"Is there something else on your mind?" he asked the boy when he still looked mildly distressed. Matthias was no help, having already refocused on the TV.

"Are you Uncle Matthias' wife?" Lukas froze, his face reaching temperatures he never knew possible. Was he... Matthias'... _wife_?! Any thoughts in his brain flushed right out of his ears, he was unable to process a coherent thought. Only when he heard Matthias respond with a gleeful, "yeah" after pulling himself out of a fit of laughter did his mind stutter back to life.

"I _beg_ your pardon? I most certainly am _not_ your _wife_."

"Well, you should be." Matthias was smiling and Lukas noticed Peter try to slip away from the corner of his eye.

"Where do you think you're going?" Peter better not leave him alone at this dining room table, not after he started this conversation.

"Go ahead, Peter. You can go wash up." Lukas mentally screamed, he tried to arrange his face into something that resembled neutrality, but he feared the colour of his cheeks ruined the effect.

The telephone rang and Peter practically exploded from his chair, running from the table to answer it. Lukas wished he could have been the one to flee.

"You know, I am serious." Matthias said, his eyes still shining bright with humour.

"If it's a _wife_ you're looking for," Lukas spat, "you are going to be sorely disappointed on your wedding night."

"Husband, then," Matthias' said, his smile relaxing, but his eyes still annoyingly bright.

"I can't tell if you're being serious or joking, Matthias." He could never read the mood well, it was dangerous to assume Matthias was being serious, but it was a terribly cruel joke if he was kidding. "We just had a days-long silent argument. It's hardly the right moment to be discussing holy matrimony."

Matthias took his hand, "why not? We are working through it, and I already know I don't want to spend another minute of my life without you in it, permanently." Lukas scoffed, trying to search out whether he was actually proposing. This wasn't the most romantic of situations.

Peter interrupted with the phone just then, someone wanting to speak to Matthias.

The boy slipped away to the bathroom and Lukas had an overwhelming urge to defend his masculinity. He followed him and stood in the doorway until Peter looked up.

"I'm a _man_ ," he stated. He could hear Matthias burst into laughter behind him.

Lukas chose that moment to escape the apartment and head for home.

.

Saturday Matthias finally returned to the Bondevik household. A full week had gone by since he'd been home, and Lukas was overjoyed to return from work and discover the 'communication journal' and a pen on his bedroom pillow.

" _Lukas,_

 _Will you be my husband?"_

Lukas' heart stopped. He had been serious?

He looked at the question, then at the pen sitting innocently, waiting for him to construct his reply. He only needed to write one word before he picked up the journal and put it on the kitchen table where Matthias would find it in the morning.

" _Fine."_

* * *

 **AN:** This was hard to write. But, when I was editing it, I was cackling like an idiot, so perhaps it's not _that_ bad...?


	9. Part Five: Africa

**PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER**

 **Part Five: Africa**

* * *

 **AN:** I've returned from holiday! Thank you everyone for being so patient with me while I was away. It's been a struggle to get back into the swing of writing. I tried for so long to avoid writing this chapter, but then it came a point where I could no longer dodge it. Yikes!

Thandiwe/Thandy is my own character and not part of the Hetalian cast.

If you know my stories and my writing style, then you know that **trigger** **warnings may apply**. This chapter is no exception.

* * *

Matthias briefly entertained the thought that it had been for the best to leave the hospital so suddenly without saying a proper goodbye.

He was not sure that he would have been able to still get on the plane if he had to explain to Lukas that he was leaving. One look into those violet blue eyes and he would have been frozen to the floor on which he stood; one word of suggestion to stay and Matthias would have torn up the freshly signed contract and thrown it into the faces of the two gentlemen who had handed it to him. He would not have been able to resist. He would have had to stay.

Besides the fact that him and Lukas weren't really... anything. He had hoped to seal that deal very soon, he had finally worn down the defenses of the stoic doctor, and now he was leaving. But, like he had originally thought, perhaps it was for the best. There was nothing official about their friendship...? Relationship? Lukas would be free to find happiness on his own with someone else, someone that was closer to home and not moving across an ocean for a four year contract.

He was being noble. He was giving Lukas the chance at a clean break.

He never got a chance to kiss him before he left, something he deeply regretted. He'd have nothing to remember Lukas by while stuck in Africa, other than stolen glances and brief, electric touches when accidentally (on purpose) brushing hands against the other. And he may not have a kiss to look forward to if he ever returned. Perhaps he'd stay in Africa. The thought of Lukas settling down with someone else made his blood run cold.

He knew, for himself, there would never be anybody else.

He scrubbed a hand down his face and looked out of the airplane window, watching an unfamiliar landscape come into view as the plane descended towards the Lusaka International Airport. _He did not want Lukas to be with anyone else_. As the plane touched ground for the first time he had changed his mind.

He should not have left.

His heart was heavy as he shouldered his carry-on luggage, regretting his previous decision to leave without a proper goodbye. He wanted nothing more than to kiss Lukas if he were close enough.

He was greeted in the airport terminal by a young, tall woman, the colour of her skin reminding Matthias of the coffee Lukas always drank. Her face was wide with a friendly grin, teeth flashing as soon as she caught sight of Matthias in the crowd. She held a poster board with ' _Dr. Kohler_ ' written on it in felt, the block lettering coloured in with sharpie, the last few letters more faded than the first as the pen started to run out.

"Dr. Kohler," she called, her accent stumbling on the pronunciation of his name.

"That is me," he tried to sound like his normal, cheerful self, but the toll of 30 hours of travel and the realization of what exactly he had left behind weighed heavy in his tone.

"Wonderful! I am called Thandiwe, I will be aiding you in settling here in your beautiful new city!" She tucked the sign under her arm and stretched a hand out to him, fingers splayed, she half turned and signaled for him to follow. "First," she called over her shoulder, "we will get you to your new apartment so you can rest! I imagine you are tired from your journey. Tomorrow will be a new day for new adventures." He only had the strength to nod in response as he followed her through the airport.

The blast of the heat rolling off the pavement outside was like a punch to his gut. He shielded his eyes against the evening sun glaring at him, far too cheerful for his souring mood, as he followed Thandiwe to a waiting town car. She opened the door for him and the driver hopped out, taking his luggage and packing it into the trunk.

"We have found you a lovely place to live near the university," she was telling him as the car pulled away from the airport. Matthias could hardly pay attention, his temple resting against the glass of the window as he watched the world roll by. "I hope that you will enjoy it. If it is not to your preferences, please contact us," she continued to chatter about who to contact for which issues, mentioning that all of this information would be found in his new apartment in an information booklet. He offered an occasional grunt or hum in response to indicate that he was listening; he tuned her out.

"Are you unwell?" he blinked from his reverie, turning to look at Thandiwe who was regarding him with a concerned expression.

"I'm sorry," he offered a smile, "I'm just tired." She nodded, accepting this response; he did not bother to mention that he had not slept for most of his journey, a crying baby on one flight, a frustrated seat-kicker behind him on the next, and any moments of peace were interrupted by bouts of turbulence, jolting him awake from any sort of sleep he may have had. The only time he snoozed at all was during his layovers, which was light and fitful, careful to stay awake enough to catch the boarding notice for his next flight. Not to mention the pang of guilt, regret, and heartbreak twisting his chest into a painful knot. "It is wonderful to finally be here," he lied.

Had he arrived a year ago, perhaps he would have enjoyed being where he was; however, he was now aware of what he had left behind. He should have never chased after Lukas, not after submitting his application to work overseas. He had no idea the fire he had been playing with. Although, if he was being honest with himself, he had assumed Lukas would never return his advances and the chase would be in innocent fun, a silly crush that never got off the ground. He never knew he'd be so lucky - or, rather, nearly so lucky...

After almost an hour of travel by car, fighting with traffic, they finally came to stop in front of a plain-looking taupe apartment. Matthias stared at it, letting it sink in that this was his new home. He stumbled out of the car and followed Thandiwe up the walk, she fished for a set of keys in her pocket and unlocked the door, holding it open for him and the driver who trailed after both of them with Matthias' luggage. He was grateful for the blast of air-conditioned air that enveloped him like a cool embrace. He kicked himself for being reminded of Lukas. His hands were always cool to the touch, no matter how warm the weather.

"You are on the top floor," Thandiwe said happily, calling the elevator. She handed him a set of keys, explaining which key unlocked what, which mailbox in the lobby belonged to him, and what his unit number would be when the elevator delivered them to the correct floor. He only half paid attention, nodding along like this was all making sense. Her accent was thick and he was too tired to try.

When he was finally alone in his empty, silent, darkened apartment, he sank to the floor against the front door and held his head in his hands. He was glad he had enough sense to leave Lukas a note, at least there was some sort of goodbye on the other side of the world. He had included his new mailing address – would Lukas even respond?

He spent his first night in Zambia asleep on the cold floor of his plain apartment, leaning against the front door and feeling entirely alone.

The first week went by in a blur. Matthias had woken, startled by a knock on the door at his back, his muscles protesting loudly as he struggled to his feet to answer. Thandiwe was smiling and held out a coffee.

"Good morning, Dr. Kohler, did you-" her eyes widened as she saw his bags sprawled out in the entryway and he was still wearing what he had on the day previous. "Did you not sleep?" She searched his face, mouth half open in concern.

"Oh, no, I... fell asleep just where I fell," he had the decency to look guilty and he laughed, scratching the back of his head. His apartment had come with a perfectly comfortable bed, tucked in the corner of the bedroom.

"Go, shower!" she shouldered herself into his apartment and shoved him towards the small bathroom. "I will wait." He did not need to be told twice. He wandered into the bathroom, suddenly aware of how long ago he had last seen one, and shut himself away. He was thankful for the travel-sized toiletries and large, white, fluffy towel provided for him. He stripped off his clothes and stepped into the shower, willing all his negative emotions to wash away with stench of travel, the water circling down the drain between his feet.

As soon as the water was shut off, he barely had time to wrap the towel around his waist before the door burst open and Thandiwe let herself in, holding up an outfit she had fished out of his luggage.

"Here," she said, clearly not shy as Matthias felt the heat rise in his cheeks, any response to the situation dying in his throat as she shook out a t-shirt and forced it over his soaking head. Her hands felt rough as she forcibly dressed him. She was just reaching for his pants with one hand and his towel with the other when he finally found his voice.

"I got this!" He said hastily, she laughed and turned around while he finished dressing himself, hopping on one foot in his rush to get on the clean underwear she had found and his pants.

"Come, now you will have your coffee and we can start our day!" She grabbed his wrist and pulled him from the bathroom, picking up the coffee cup she had left on the kitchen counter and pushing it into his hands; it had cooled, but he was thankful for the hit of caffeine and allowed himself to be tugged from the apartment and into the hall.

Thandiwe, "call me Thandy," was outgoing, abrasive, and hilarious once you got past her overly uninhibited attitude. She was not shy about anything, including male nudity if Matthias' first morning was of any indication. She muscled her way through crowds of people in order to achieve her goals, pulling a dazed Matthias along behind her. She instructed him on the purchase and use of his new cellphone, she helped him pick out and order furniture for his apartment, and any necessities he would need that he could not bring with him when he moved. She helped him with his Visa paperwork and brought him to the hospital where he would be teaching, showing him around and introducing him to his new coworkers.

With the amount of time they spent together in Matthias' first few weeks, and for how often she barged in on him in the buff, it was impossible not to become friends. Needless to say, the two clicked and got along famously. Had Matthias not been thoroughly attracted to men, he fancied he could have fallen for a woman like her.

"You got mail!" Thandy called to Matthias as she let herself into his apartment and flopped onto his couch. He wandered out of his bedroom, pulling a t-shirt over his head, reaching for the small envelope she offered to him.

His heart stopped beating for a moment when he recognized the unclear scrawl and return address. He tore open the paper with shaking hands.

' _Matthias;_

 _I am livid._

 _Please, call me Lukas. We both know we're beyond such formalities._

" _I'd kiss you right now if you were closer" ...Why do you keep telling me that?_

 _-LB_ '

The note was short and oh-so-classic Lukas that Matthias couldn't help but throw his head back and laugh. Thandy watched him with an eyebrow raised before leaning over the back of the couch and snatching the letter from his hands and reading it. Her brows furrowed and she watched him until he controlled his mirth.

"Who sends such a short note in the post all the way to Zambia?" she asked, handing the letter back to him.

"Lukas does," he said fondly, heading to the kitchen in order to find a pen and his note paper. He leaned over his counter and began writing a response, Thandy fell silent as he did so. He found an envelope, addressed it, and as he was licking a stamp he looked up and met her chocolate eyes.

"Who is Lukas?" she asked.

"He is..." he wasn't sure how to answer, really. He put the stamp on the envelope, running his fingertips along the name it was addressed to. He looked back up to meet her gaze and smiled, "he is the most beautiful man I have ever met," he said simply. He wanted to add that he was hopelessly in love with him, but he stayed his tongue and quietly suffered in the way his stomach twisted and his chest bloomed with warmth at the thought of him.

"Why did you leave him?" There was the winning question.

"I didn't, not really," Matthias sighed, "we were never more than...?" he wasn't sure how to label what they were. "We weren't involved," he stated lamely. She rolled her eyes.

"You have 'love' written all over your face, doctor." Matthias silently agreed.

Thandiwe became an important ally for Matthias during his first year in Zambia. He was busy with work and trying to establish a regular routine; the rest of the hospital staff were friendly enough, but he did not feel any particular affection for anyone, so distanced himself from making friends and simply remained as a friendly acquaintance. Thandy was the only one who saw him outside of work and he allowed to get to know him – or, rather, she forced him from his inner solitude. Without her, he would have drowned in his loneliness, the culture shock and hard work would have broken him within the first few months without a friendly hand reaching down to haul him back to his feet.

Despite the difficulties, he thrived in the classroom, enjoying passing on what knowledge he had to bright and eager students. His students were a diverse mix, many fresh out of high school and just beginning their career in medicine, while others were veterans and taking his classes simply to refresh their training and possibly learn something new from a younger generation. Matthias found he had as much to learn from them as he had to teach; he welcomed the prospect of bettering his craft.

While Matthias found joy at work, despite the hardships, he only truly felt happiness return to him when the mail arrived and he recognized Lukas' lazy scrawl on an envelope. He missed their daily banter most of all, and was thankful for the slice of normalcy his teasing letters brought with them. He could pretend he was still at the home he left behind on particularly difficult days while laying in bed, reading and rereading the letters he received.

The second year Matthias was in Zambia passed without much incident. His relationship with Lukas continued to deepen, as did his friendship with Thandiwe. He had established a solid routine for work and fell into it happily, putting his head down and powering through each day, knowing the harder he worked, the faster time would pass, and the sooner he could return home.

The third year was difficult. Matthias was starting to wear thin. He found himself working in the ER more than he was teaching, which frustrated him – he could have done that back at home. He had been hired to teach students to save lives, not to do the saving himself. What frustrated him more was the often lack of medicines or supplies that were readily on hand at his home hospital, but not always so where he was working now. He was upset to discover that the supplies you needed were easier to come by depending on who's back you scratched. It was the unspoken agreement that payment under the table to certain groups meant well stocked supply closets during your next shift in the ER. Thandiwe shared his frustrations and allowed him to vent, to complain about how things needed to change; she had known all along, of course, it was just part of life in some places. She was unfamiliar with a world in which you didn't have to rely on bribery or force to get what you needed.

By the end of his third year, Matthias missed home and Lukas so entirely he could barely convince himself to get out of bed each morning; Thandiwe would often come to curl up next to him and gently run her fingers through his hair as he mourned the distance between him and his best friend, the love of his life. She would gently convince him to rise for the day, pushing him towards the shower like she had on his first day in Zambia, readying his clothes and coffee for when he was finished. She stepped into the role of caregiver on days when Matthias was too depressed to function. He would fall into bitterness when he realized he wasn't actually helping anyone by being here, he had wasted almost four years of his life filling a role that any doctor with the same qualifications could have stepped in to.

By the beginning of the fourth year he had made up his mind to at least try to instigate change. When he wasn't teaching or covering shifts in the ER or laying in bed watching movies all day curled around Thandy, he was snooping in offices, rifling through drawers, trying his best to discover who was really at the top of his food chain. The Chief of Staff was simply a figurehead, there was someone higher up pulling the strings. Someone was pocketing the bribes everyone around him so willingly doled out.

He needed to know _who_.

"You need to leave it be, Matt," Thandy told him one evening as he sprawled on his couch, lamenting about the unfairness of the medical system. She was perched on his kitchen counter, swinging her feet back and forth under the bar overhang. "It is not how it is where you are from. This is just how it is here." He shot her a glare through his hair and she laughed, rolling her eyes. "You are one man, you cannot change an entire country."

"I'm not doing anything else of use, I may as well try."

"That is one surefire way to get yourself killed," she chided, "Lukas would be most upset if you were to die." Matthias huffed, unable to argue otherwise.

For the year he still busied himself with trying to figure out the system within the hospital. He did not discover much, most people unwilling to talk about the bribery, many going so far as to act like it did not exist at all. The only thing he found out after almost an entire year of searching was a name, 'The Colonel'. Everyone denied his existence at all, and he continued to come up empty-handed when searching for who The Colonel could be.

Except when his relentless probing paid off.

He finished his letter to Lukas when there was a knock at the door; Thandy had arrived, eyebrows arched as he flung open the door for her.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked, already turning away. He grabbed his keys and wallet and followed her out of his apartment and down the road to a local coffee shop.

"I'll meet you there," he called after her, heading for the mailbox. "I just want to put this in the mail." She shrugged and continued without him. He kissed the envelope before sliding it into the mailbox, sending a wish along after it for a safe and speedy trip to its recipient.

"What is this thing you are so excited to tell me about?" she asked when he finally met up with her.

"I found something, Thandy!" he cried happily as he slid into the coffee shop booth across from his dear friend. He had almost given up hope of finding anything, his contract was nearly up and he could soon return home; however, the search for The Colonel had become his obsession, his distraction from his longing. He wanted to see it through to the end.

"Matthias," Thandy's voice was heavy with warning and she gazed across her coffee cup at him as he flagged down a waitress. The words, ' _be careful_ ' hung heavy in the air between them but were left unspoken.

He waved off her concern, too elated to pay any heed to it. "You're never going to believe it, but I think I found out who The Colonel is," the waitress suddenly appeared at his side and he beamed up at her, feeling happier than he could remember ever feeling in the last four years. He placed his order before returning his attention back to his friend in front of him. She was shaking her head.

"I don't want to know," she said, staring into her cup and gripping it tightly. "This is not safe information. This is not the place to even have this type of conversation, Matthias."

"Hear me out!" he said, unwinding one of her hands from her mug and giving it a brief squeeze, "I've finally been thrown a bone on this wild goose chase. It's exciting, like an adventure!" She ripped her hand away from his.

"I want to go home," she said flatly. "I don't want to talk about this." She started to rise to her feet but he waved her back down to sit.

"Fine," he said as she slowly lowered herself back into her chair, "I won't talk about it here, but we should at least enjoy our coffee. We don't often escape my apartment." He laughed and she shook her head, her smile returning as she sipped from her cup.

He rolled his eyes and paused to turn at the waitress who returned with his coffee in hand, dark roast that Lukas liked, polluted with too much cream and sugar. He was smiling at her when the commotion by the front of the shop began, but he ignored it. Hearing brawls break out on the streets was not uncommon, and it was always best to ignore them rather than get involved.

He felt himself freeze when the first shot rang out. He could hear the screaming, someone yelling to get down. It happened in slow motion: the waitress dropped to the floor on reflex, the coffee still being passed between her and Matthias' hands falling with her and spilling on his pant legs. The second shot ricocheted like a ping-pong ball rattling in his head, he felt the warm splatter across his face, the waitress on the ground tugging on his arm and pulling him down. He hit the floor and with wide eyes watched as Thandiwe slid to the ground, eyes open and unseeing, blood rapidly pooling around her body from the hole in her temple. Matthias did not notice his scream as he stared, only feet away from his dead friend on the tile floor of the coffee shop.

It had been a cruel joke of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. An argument between two rival gangs, unintentionally catching bystanders in the crossfire. He stayed in the chaotic aftermath only long enough to identify Thandiwe and give a statement to the police. He did not remember returning home.

He ripped a piece of paper from his stationary pad and penned a letter to Lukas, _his_ Lukas, the last normal thing in his entire world and he was oceans away. He wasn't sure what to write – he never told Lukas much about Thandy and nothing at all about his search for The Colonel. He so desperately wanted to pour his heart out, to make sense of his afternoon, but he could not find the words. He tried several times, beginning a letter and scratching out the words he wrote, eventually crumpling the paper and tossing it in the garbage. He gave up after a few tries and sat, staring blankly at his wall. After some time, he went about his apartment and began to pack his bags. He pondered if he should write some sort of goodbye note, then brushed it off.

He longed to have Lukas to cling to, to cry against, to kiss while he was close enough.

* * *

 **AN2:** YIKES. Don't worry guys, fluff will return shortly! (ie the follow-up, where fluff lives and breathes, apparently).

A NOTE ABOUT THE COLONEL STORY ARC. That story will NOT be included in Paging Doctors. I am entertaining the thought of writing a story to cover Matthias' adventures between his last letter written to Lukas and when he eventually returns home several weeks later. However, I may also not. But, there is a story there. Do you even want to read it? It wouldn't be a romance, only drama and adventure.


	10. Follow-Up 5

_PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER_

 _FOLLOW-UP 5_

* * *

 **AN:** I spy with my little eye brotherly love... also, bad language (lookin' at you, Iceland).

* * *

Lukas ran his fingers through Matthias hair and watched him as he slept.

He did not sleep easy, he noticed. His face would often contort into one of pain or general discomfort; his breathing would quicken and a sweat would break out across his brow. Sometimes, he would start awake. Lukas pretended not to hear him choking back tears on the nights he lay curled beside him, feigning sleep. He pretended not to notice how Matthias would rub his hands down his face and inspect them closely, sometimes having a shower after waking up, rubbing the towel over his forehead and cheeks until his skin was nearly raw.

He had tried asking Matthias what was wrong once, what was he dreaming about, but he simply shut down the conversation and insisted it was just a random nightmare.

He noticed that as soon as Lukas touched him with his cool fingers during an episode of night terrors he would visibly relax, his face melting back into one of comfortable sleep, a happy sigh escaping his lips as his vivid dreams shifted into happier images.

He did not have a fitful sleep every night, but often enough that Lukas was starting to grow concerned. He trusted that Matthias would talk to him when he was ready, to tell him what had happened to him while he was in Zambia. Matthias returned to his cheerful self come morning, so Lukas tried not to worry about his nighttime too much.

Matthias leaned into Lukas' touches, murmuring happily, a striking difference compared to fearful cries he had been making only a few minutes earlier. Lukas propped himself up on his elbow and continued to run his other hand through the blonde hair until Matthias stilled completely, falling back into a silent slumber.

Lukas sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed when he heard the soft _tap-tap_ of someone on the other side of the darkened bedroom door.

"Brother?" He heard Emil call softly; there was a pause before the handle turned and his silvery-blond hair and violet-blue eyes appeared around the edge of the door, cautious in case he was walking into something he would rather not see.

"Emil," Lukas acknowledged, rising to his feet to meet his brother. He smiled and shooed him out of the room before he could take a step inside, indicating that he was going to follow. They quietly padded to the kitchen, past Matthias' empty makeshift cot in the corner of the living room.

"Was he dreaming again?" His brother asked, flopping into one of the wooden kitchen chairs as Lukas flicked on the light over the oven, casting the kitchen in a dull ambiance. He only nodded his head.

He knew his brother was not happy that he and Matthias were sharing a room more and more frequently; however, it made soothing the sleeping man easier when Lukas did not have to leave the comfort of his own room in order to do so. Thankfully, Emil said nothing contradictory about it.

The first time Matthias had presented with a nightmare he had ran from his room to Matthias' side, sure something was terribly wrong. He had been shocked to discover Matthias still asleep, the sheer volume of his cries not waking him from his terror. He heard Emil's bedroom door up the stairs creak open a crack, standing at the ready in case Lukas called for more help. He was thankful for the silent support. He knew neither of them had expected the cheerful Matthias to be writhing in his bed sheets, the cot creaking beneath him. He only stilled when Lukas reached out and gripped his shoulder, trying to make soothing noises, to wake him from his dreams or at least calm him back into silence.

"Has he told you about them, yet?" Emil asked. He made a show of inspecting his fingernails and Lukas could not help but smirk – that was one of his own habits when he was pretending not to care while internally curious.

"No, he has not. He dodges the subject if I bring it up."

"Have you tried writing it in your silly communication journal?" Lukas flashed him a glare. He had not tried that yet.

"He'll tell me when he's ready," he stated simply, leaning his elbow on the table and resting his chin in the palm of his hand. His eyes fluttered shut.

.

Even though Emil has been forced to get to know Matthias a lot better than he ever desired in the last several weeks, he could not bring himself to _like_ him. He was loud, obnoxious, he never took anything seriously. He also had a stupid accent. Matthias had taken the time to peel back his brother's layers, expose his heart, and then left, leaving Lukas a shell of the person he had been.

Emil nearly punched Matthias in the face when Lukas came home home evening, dragging a tall, scruffy, and tanned man along by the hand behind him. At first, he hasn't recognized the surgeon. His eyes were the same colour, but they were encased in dark circles, his skin glowed with too much sun exposure, his hair was shaggy and in desperate need of a haircut – or at least a ponytail. The man Lukas presented to him looked like he had seen too much of the world, he was weary, matured. His heart fluttered at the notion that maybe, _just maybe_ , Lukas had been able to forget the annoying surgeon in African and had moved on to something else, something _better_ (although, he'd prefer if that something were nothing and things went back to normal).

"Matthias came home today," Lukas then said as if it were the most normal sentence in the world. As if he had not spent more than four years of his life simply existing, and the last month, two months, broken, exhausted, and unsure if he should be grieving or not.

"I'm sorry?" Emil hated the way his voice had quaked with the undercurrents of his rage and protectiveness for his older brother. Matthias had left a mess behind and Emil had been the one to try and clean it up.

"Hiya!" said the man, his face splitting into an unforgettable, dopey grin. Emil balled his hands into tight fists and rose to his feet, the kitchen chair in which he had been sitting scraping loudly on the tiled floor. Matthias smiled easily, waved, Lukas looked... well, he looked positively blissful. His expression was neutral, passive, but his eyes _glittered_. Blissful.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Emil sneered, Matthias' smile slid, and Lukas' shining eyes darkened.

"Well, uh, I was-"

"He has been devastated," Emil didn't bother to wait for him to gather his words; he didn't have the patience. "The years have been _hell_ and now you just turn up unannounced?" Then, he noticed the luggage on the ground just outside of the front door. "No fucking way." he said.

"Emil," his brother started to say something, his tone dripping with a wrathful warning. Emil did not bother sticking around to hear what he had to say; he turned on his heel and marched out of the room. He knew they would have a conversation about this later, once Matthias was not in earshot.

"Whatever," he tossed over his shoulder, "see if I fucking care. He better not sleep in your room, I don't want to wake up to any weird noises." He was livid, he was hurt, he was angry on behalf of his brother. His brother who, with anyone else, would not tolerate such stupid behavior. His brother who should not have put up with being left alone and devastated for so long only to have the cause of his pain suddenly turn up again, unannounced. His arms were wide open and accepting and they should have been closed and refusing. His brother did not forget so easily – not with anyone else. His brother was like him, he held onto things, stewed about them.

Emil was not so unemotional and distant that he did not feel the pangs of guilt and concern the first night he awoke to the strange noises. At first, he was furious that his brother broke his rule. But, then the noises took on a different shape, one he vaguely recognized as fear. He sat up and listened carefully, brain processing the sounds as someone deep in a nightmare without escape. He stood and padded to his bedroom door, opening it a crack and peering down the hall, down the stairs to the living room; he heard his brother also awaken and cautiously enter the nook where they had set up a cot for Matthias.

He stood still and silent as he listened to his brother gently attempt to rouse Matthias; at first, he seemed only to make it worse with his words, but then, eventually, the panicked noises ebbed and died, giving way to wracking sobs and then silence. He heard nothing more from his brother than soft shushing noises. After several minutes of calm, Emil closed his bedroom door and lay back in his own, comfortable bed. He tried not to wonder what had happened to Matthias in Africa, he tried not to care, he was supposed to be angry.

The terrors at night happened more often than not and he was glad when his brother wordlessly broke the household rule ("if you and Matthias share a room I will murder you both.") and Emil stopped waking to terrified noises at night; he knew it still happened, but behind the closed door off the living room downstairs – his brother's room.

Emil didn't bother bringing it up, he let it go. He knew from the look in his brother's eyes that he was silently grateful he did not stir it into a raucous argument.

So there he sat, opposite his brother in the darkened kitchen, staring off into space, not really focusing on anything, just savoring the silence that had blanketed them. It had been a long time since him and Lukas had shared comfortable quiet together, simply being in each other's company. He would have been content to keep it that way until one of them decided to go back to bed – probably Lukas. He always went to bed first.

"He asked me to marry him," Lukas said, shattering the calm reverie that Emil had assumed they were both enjoying. He flinched, a familiar (seeming hereditary) scowl darkening his face.

"Pardon me?"

"Well," Lukas sighed, curling his loose hair around one of his ears, "I wasn't sure if he was completely serious at first, but then he... was." Emil could not imagine Matthias being serious in anything except in the middle of the night, and that wasn't a pleasant sort of serious.

"What did you say?" Emil peered at his brother, trying to decipher the cacophony of emotions flicking through his half-lidded eyes. Only _he_ could truly read his brother.

"I said..." Lukas paused, eyes rolling heavenwards while he processed how to respond, searching the ceiling. "I said yes."

"That's the fuckin' dumbest thing I've ever heard," he resisted the urge to slam his clenched fists on the top of the table and risk awakening the slumbering man in the room next door. Lukas was gazing at him now, eyes fluttering with an unspoken ' _why_?' Emil sighed. "For one, he never asked _me_ for permission," Lukas scoffed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest in defense. "Two, your-your-" where to bloody start? Matthias had left before so easily, what was stopping him from doing it again in the future? They barely knew each other in person! They could only talk by passing notes in some dumb notebook. They also worked in the same place! Wasn't there some sort of phrase, something about 'don't buy your food in the same place you shit'? Don't mix professional and personal lives. That'd be like... if Emil suddenly started dating some dumb, outspoken, loud, annoying patient from the ER (thankfully, he was smart enough to stay far away from that particular situation). Matthias and Lukas were a terrible match, he thought. They bickered, Matthias went out of his way to push Lukas' buttons, Lukas steadily ignored Matthias' advances for affection. Matthias was silly and eccentric to Lukas' calm and calculated maturity. He knew of the phrase 'opposites attract' but surely there was a line somewhere that was not crossed – they seemed to be polar opposites. "Because," Emil continued, "what will happen to me?" actually, he had not meant to say that last bit at all. He felt his cheeks heat up and he cast his eyes downwards in embarrassment. "Not that I care," he hastily added, hopefully covering up his emotional blunder. The Bondeviks were not an emotional breed – not outwardly, at least.

"Oh, Emil," Lukas breathed out, and before Emil could hiss out some sort of insult, his older brother was upon him, cool hands cupping his face and his lips on the crown of his head. "Little, little brother," Lukas cooed, circling his arms around him in a tight (disgusting) embrace. "I will not, _cannot_ , forget about you!"

"Get off me," Lukas responded by hugging him tighter.

" _Bror_ ," he sang, "you are so cute!"

Emil struggled in his brother's arms, trying to free himself from his affectionate clutches. One way him and his brother differentiated was Lukas' ability to melt into some strange, puddle of gross brotherly love. Emil pretended to hate it – he pretended so well he often believed it, only when he was alone again did a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth. "Go cuddle your _fiance_ ," he spat, peeling his brother's arms off him and staggering out of his chair and back, out of reach of Lukas' grabby hands and mischievously smiling face. Lukas sobered.

"Emil," he dropped his hands, settling back into his kitchen chair, "do you hate him that much?" Emil was torn between going back to bed and avoiding this conversation, or rejoining his brother at the table; he wavered where he stood, trying to decide what to do.

No, he supposed, he did not hate Matthias. He was worried for his brother's heart. He was worried that he would break again and Emil would not be able to put the pieces back together again. He hated that, while his brother was shattered, he could not help. Nothing he had tried put the puzzle that was Lukas back into a picture he recognized. Even now, whole again, he was different than the Lukas in his memories. He cocked his head and regarded his brother, really looking at him in the first time in, well, perhaps ever.

He was handsome, the Bondeviks were all handsome. His pale blonde hair curled around his face in graceful waves, usually held out of his eyes by a clip or, this late at night, simply his hand on his cheek, fingers mindlessly playing with his hair. His eyes were an unusual shade of blue encased in long, curling lashes; he could so easily looked doe-eyed and innocent if he wanted, but he never did. He always looked solemn, passive, calculating – which was a shame. When his face broke into a rare smile he could light up a room, and Emil's chest swelled with affection as he thought about it. Lukas' genuine smiles didn't happen very often, and were usually reserved for only Emil and only in private – except... Matthias.

He could not ignore the fact that his brother smiled much more easily when Matthias was around. They were not quite face-splitting grins accompanied by bubbling laughter, but small, quiet smiles that not even Emil was privy to without seeing them by accident. The corners of Lukas' mouth would twitch and turn up, almost shy, and he would look down and away, trying to hide behind his hair that wasn't pinned. His cheeks would heat up in a slight dusting of pink and he would _smile_ at whatever silly thing Matthias was telling him about. Matthias would lean in, grinning and absorbing the happy expression that was only ever created for the stupid surgeon. Did he even understand how precious it was, or did he take it for granted?

Nonetheless, Matthias was the one that got smiles almost daily. Matthias was the one who had successfully pieced his brother back together in a matter of hours after his return. Matthias was the one that he turned to now with anything on his mind, simply curling into his chest in a rare request for physical attention or writing in that stupid journal.

"No," Emil said at last, lurching forward and falling back into his chair, "I don't... hate that you are together." _I'm simply jealous_ , he mentally added. "If he makes you happy," and he did, "then you should be with him." Lukas reached across the table, searching for one of Emil's hands, which he gave willingly and let his brother squeeze it reassuringly.

"You are more important to me than him," he said quietly, "if it would make you unhappy, then I won't do it." Emil was very tempted to say yes, it would make him very unhappy if he married the moronic surgeon. He knew he couldn't be that selfish, though, no matter how much he wanted to be. Lukas was his only family, he'd give up his own life if it meant Lukas would live happily.

"Marry the idiot," Emil sighed and he tried to ignore the way his brother's face split into an earth-shattering grin, his own mouth tugging into a small smile in response.


	11. Part Six: Planning

**PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER**

 **Part 6: Planning**

* * *

"Matthias," Lukas blew open the bathroom door without warning, holding up the Communication Journal, glaring. Matthias yelped, staggering back, nearly slipping on the still wet bathroom floor from his shower; he had his pants only half pulled up in his quest to get dressed for the day.

"What?" His eyes were wide in panic as he struggled to finish putting on his pants, reaching for his shirt, a crumbled heap of fabric on the counter next to the sink, trying not to look away from Lukas' even glower.

"You have not written anything in the journal," he said, flipping the pages open and holding it out, revealing the last thing written in it: ' _fine_.' Matthias looked at the journal, then back to Lukas.

"Did I... need to?" he asked, hesitating. Lukas scowled. He had _accepted_ his proposal, and he wasn't planning on saying anything in response? What were they supposed to do now? Were they officially engaged or was this still some sort of weird game? He had waited almost a week to see if Matthias would say anything, slowly descending from euphoria to seething anger at the silence. They had no other issues to discuss at moment, this was true, Lukas had decided to keep his mouth shut about Matthias' nightmares and otherwise things were going smoothly. Except for this proposal situation.

"Shouldn't we, perhaps, discuss _this_?" he shook the journal, the pages flipping violently. Matthias simply blinked, his mouth gaping like a fish and Lukas touched his forehead, taking an even, calming breath. Was he really so _vapid_? Should Lukas retract his acceptance?

"Well," Matthias broke the tense silence in the small bathroom, "I was thinking Curacao for the honeymoon." Lukas nearly dropped the journal. "Can we not talk about this right here, though? I'm not really diggin' the idea of discussing our wedding while the back of my knees are up against a toilet." Lukas threw the journal at him, who caught it just before it hit him square in the chest, and fled for the living room. He tried not to throw himself onto the sofa but, rather, sink into it gracefully. Matthias laughed from somewhere behind him so he supposed his efforts to recollect his calm demeanor had failed.

His mind was reeling. He hadn't been sure what to think, what to _allow_ himself to think. He never would have considered he'd ever be married, he didn't see himself as the type to moon over someone so much then spend all his money on a flashy event. He had never daydreamed about what a wedding would look like for him. He never thought someone would like him enough to marry him in the first place. But, during the last week (more in the beginning and less recently) he found himself reaching for those flowery magazines in the check-out line at the grocery store, mentally slapping his hand away before he could actually pick one up. He had started to Google 'wedding' before he realized what he was typing and immediately shut his laptop. He could not turn off his brain at night, though, when he lay in his darkened room and stared at Matthias' back while he slept.

This strange, eccentric man had stolen his heart in such a way and he could never hope to reclaim it. It was as if he had been split right down the middle and he was only half a person without Matthias nearby – his other half. How had that happened? He didn't recall ever giving permission for the cheery surgeon to do that to him. He liked himself as independent and _whole_. He had always envisioned a comfortably, solitary (apart from his brother) life for himself and he had been just fine with that plan, content to see it followed through. Now, the idea of such a life twist like a knife in his chest. He longed for Matthias to be the last thing he saw when he went to sleep and the first thing when he woke up. He wanted to stare into those wild blue eyes, marveling at the crinkles in their corners from years of laughing – he wondered if those creases had always been there or if they had only appeared as he got older. He wanted to trace patterns in the constellations of light freckles that dusted his cheeks (he was terribly self-conscious of them when they darkened in the summer) and back. He wanted to press his lips to the warmth of his skin and taste him, and only him, every day. His heart picked up at the thought of being wrapped up in those arms, have those hands that could save lives lightly trail down his own, cool flesh, leaving a ripple of shivers in their wake. He had shown his heart to this man, and while it terrified him to admit it, he trusted him with it.

He would do anything for Matthias, he realized, watching him grin as he flopped onto the couch beside him. Even have some flashy, grandiose wedding and pledge himself loyal to him in front of witnesses with every intention on following through with the words. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health... What sort of wedding had Matthias dreamed up? Had he thought about it at all?

"Were you actually asking me to marry you?" he heard himself ask, his ears ringing as he broke free of his reverie. Matthias' smile faltered and he reached out for one of Lukas' hand, taking it between both of his own and squeezing it.

"You are still not sure? Lukas," he trailed off, bringing his hand to his lips and kissing it warmly. "Do you need me to say it out loud?" Lukas only blinked at him in response. Matthias sighed heavily and slid off the couch, kneeling in front of Lukas, his hand still held between his two. "Lukas Bondevik," he said dramatically, wiggling his eyebrows and grinning; he sobered as he said, "I love you more than life itself and I never want to spend another four years, one year, month, week, day, _moment_ without you in my life. I am already the happiest man because I have been able to spend time with you and I get to see your secret smile; I am the luckiest man because you tolerate my presence and you've opened the gates to your impenetrable walls around you to _me_. Would you make me the greediest man by accepting my humble proposal, agreeing to be my treasure alone, and marrying me?"

"Why didn't you respond to my acceptance in the journal?"

"Is that a yes?" Lukas only blinked and Matthias groaned. "I was giving you space to let things sink in, you don't strike me as a marriage guy. I knew you'd talk about it when you were ready." Lukas knew he must be able to feel how hard his hands were shaking, how quick and shallow his breathing had become, and see the blush that was likely blooming on his pale cheeks. He tried to look detached, distant, but he felt his eyes giving him away. He felt he his face was screaming out his emotions: elated hope, undying devotion, endearing affection, and a resounding ' _yes_ ' in response to his question. He heart was pounding in his throat, he could hear his blood rushing madly in his ears.

"I will make a greedy man out of you," Lukas said at last, his breath whooshing out of his lungs as Matthias grabbed him by the waist and hauled him to the floor, into his lap, and kissing him hard on the mouth.

.

Matthias, unsurprisingly, had several opinions about how his wedding should look. They sat at the kitchen table over a pot of coffee and discussed the beginnings of their plans.

"My whole family will have to be there, of course," he said, scribbling down a series of names on a notepad for their guest-list draft.

Lukas always felt a surge of surprise when he heard Matthias talk of his family – he so rarely did. He heard bits and pieces of his childhood from the letters they exchanged while in Zambia, his childhood had not been an overly affectionate one. He loved his family, but as soon as he moved out for the first time he had dropped off their map. He wrote the odd e-mail to his parents to let them know he was still alive and he received cards at Christmas and on his birthday, but that was the extent of their communication. He never talked to any of his siblings (he had a younger and older sister and a younger brother), the last time he had seen them was when he graduated from medical school. Lukas marveled at how he had turned out the way he did with such an emotionally detached family.

"Who do you want to invite from yours?" Matthias asked, pen paused and hovering above the paper, waiting to record a response.

Lukas' own family was a striking difference in comparison. Both of his parents had died when he was only 10 years old on a passenger ferry that had caught fire while at sea. The memories he still had of his parents were happy ones, but they were fuzzy at best. He and his younger brother had been raised by one of their aunts, their mother's sister. She had three other children and did her best to treat Lukas and Emil as her own. They had a large family overall, both of Lukas' parents had many siblings and he had countless cousins and relations he could not keep up with. They met often in loud, family reunions, the cousins often gathering on their own for game and movie nights, the elder ones of the group going to bars together once they were of legal age.

After the death of their parents, both Lukas and Emil had receded into themselves and preferred the silence of solitude and did not often actively participate with their large family. As soon as he graduated high school he had gone to medical school, immediately after choosing a specialist profession. He was not sure what drew him to children specifically, supposing that it was their endearing innocence to the cruelties of the world and his desire to protect them from it if he could. As soon as he graduated, and subsequently was hired as a permanent doctor, he saved his money, bought the townhouse in which he currently lived, and his brother had moved in with him. He didn't bother keeping in touch with his family, but he knew Emil updated his aunt frequently and corresponded with some of their cousins. He wasn't even sure if his family knew he was gay, let alone in a relationship.

"Emil will know," he said finally. He'd not bother inviting any of them, they weren't an immediate part of his life.

"Alright then, Berwald and Tino will be invited, of course – although, I think I'm going to ask ole Ber to be my best man, I imagine Emil will be yours. Ooh, Peter can be the ring bearer!" He continued to prattle off the names of friends and doctors from the hospital he'd like to have in attendance; Lukas felt a headache growing in strength the longer the guest-list became. Matthias quickly moved from guests to how he envisioned the ceremony, "we'll get married in a church of course," he paused only briefly to see if Lukas had anything contradictory to say in response before carrying on. He then talked of the reception and the later party, "is there anything you want included? What's that silly Norwegian dance you do sometimes, the Hallmark?"

"Halling?"

"That's the one! Do you know it?" He didn't wait for Lukas to reply and wrote it down on his list of events for the reception. Lukas tuned him out and stared into his mug of coffee, watching the steam curl away from the surface in interesting patterns.

"What colours do you like?" he heard Matthias ask and a long stretch of silence, he looked up and blinked.

"Pardon?"

"Colours, my cranberry fuck-muffin," he laughed, "what colours do you like? I haven't thought much in the way of that or decor or theme," he admitted. "I kind of figured that'd be up to my bride – er, spouse-to-be."

They let the conversation end shortly after, Lukas was only able to give a dazed look in response to anything Matthias asked him, feeling rather overwhelmed with the sudden onset of wedding-talk. He had only intended to clarify that they were, in fact, getting married, and not plan the entire ordeal in one sitting.

However, next time Lukas found himself standing in line at a grocery store, his eye drawn to those flowery wedding magazines, he did not stop himself from tentatively reaching out and grabbing it, flipping it open and casually skimming through the contents while he waited for his turn at the check-out.

"Are you getting that too, dear?" he heard someone ask and his head snapped up, the cheery cashier indicating to the magazine in his hands.

"Oh, uh, yes," he heard himself say, folding it shut and handing it over for her to scan.

"Are you getting married?" he nodded, "that's so exciting! Congratulations!" He thanked her and quickly ducked out of the store, retreating to his car in a hurry. There, he flipped open the magazine again to the page with floral arrangements and place settings. He felt his heart flutter, thoughts turning over in his head.

.

"Blue," was the first thing Lukas said to Matthias when they were together again.

"What's that?" He shut the front door of the townhouse behind him, stripping off his lab coat from work and peeling off his shoes. He shuffled further into the house, finding Lukas sitting on the floor in the living room surrounded by a surplus of wedding magazines, all open to floral arrangements, place settings, colour schemes, and ideas for invitations.

"For colours. Blue, sky blue." He was scowling up at him from his spot on the floor, but Matthias could see the hidden delight behind his angry expression. Also, many of the magazines had coloured tabs peeking out from between the pages and a notebook lay nearby with notes written in his chicken-scratch scrawl.

"Alright," he said, plopping himself down on the floor and reaching for one of the magazines, Lukas promptly slapped his hand away. "Why blue?" he leaned back on his hands, crossing his legs.

"Don't touch, they are laid out just how I need them." Matthias rolled his eyes. "And sky blue because of your eyes." He felt his heart swell at the comment. His Lukas was still able to surprise him and take his breath away. He was beginning to fear he was not all that thrilled about the prospect of a wedding in the future, but now, he couldn't help but chuckle at his enthusiasm. It was unexpected and _adorable_.

Lukas liked hydrangeas best, he enjoyed their mop-headed shape and how they seemed shy, but also had a lot of personality. Matthias wasn't sure what any of this meant, but he didn't care. He enjoyed listening to Lukas talk. He took Matthias on a tour of the magazines surrounding him, from boutonnieres and corsages to centerpieces. He showed him chair covers for the reception and ribbons to use for – actually, he missed what the ribbons were going to be for, but he smiled and nodded, he didn't care. Lukas talked about a 'Gate of Honor', a Danish tradition for weddings, to be situated at the entrance to the church (he grumbled then about having a wedding in a church, but conceded to Matthias' wishes without much fuss). "There is no traditional bride," he was saying in regards to the arch, but Matthias stopped listening, eyes glazing over as he imagined the day that was slowly coming together. "I'd like to wear a navy suit, you can pick your own, I don't really care what you wear..." Matthias had the overwhelming sense that this was the appropriate moment to say, "whatever you want, dear," so he did and was rewarded by a glowing smile from Lukas. "Oh, I'm glad you said that," he then turned to another pile of magazines behind him and held up and example what he thought Matthias should wear.

And so their plans slowly started to come together. They only had a brief spat over budget, Matthias didn't care how much the day cost, so long as it was perfect and Lukas would rather save as much money as possible. This argument was resolved by the unexpected telephone call from Lukas' aunt who graciously announced her desire to financially contribute. Her and Lukas had a rather teary-eyed conversation (on her part, Lukas was still as detached as ever) over the phone while he haltingly filled her in on his life and told her about Matthias.

Emil tried to act like he didn't care, but on more than one occasion Matthias walked in on him and Lukas pouring over magazines and Emil making excited suggestions before noticing their audience, straightening up and replacing his small smile with a glower.

"Or whatever," he'd add to whatever comment he'd just made, inspecting his nails and sauntering out of the room like he had somewhere else to be.

They had set the date for only six months later, neither wanting to waste precious time with a lengthy engagement. They were already living together, and the cot Matthias had originally been appointed as his designated sleeping place had long since been folded up and packed away. Every evening Emil would pointedly look at them and give a stern, "no funny stuff," as his goodnight.

A week before the impending nuptials Matthias started to feel the gravity of the event. His heart raced from the moment he woke up to the moment he fell asleep again, his palms constantly slick with a nervous sweat.

He was doing this. He was going to pledge himself to _one_ person for the rest of his life. He loved this person with all of his heart, truly, but that didn't shake the fear from his bones. What if Lukas got sick of him? What if they fought all the time in the future, what if they weren't as compatible as they seemed now? What if they came to resent each other, or what if the love faded? They still communicated through their journal when anything serious arose – was that normal? Would they ever learn to properly discuss things face to face, or did it not matter, so long as they found a way to overcome the obstacles set before them? Did Lukas want children? He never thought to bring up the subject, pregnancy was not something they had to worry about, so there was never a natural flowing of conversation in that direction. Did Matthias even want children? He'd never given it much thought. And what about Emil, how was he going to fit into their lives? He loved the kid, sure, but he never actually sat down to talk to him about marrying his older brother – did he resent him for it?

What of Lukas' family? He'd never actually met any of them. Would they like him, would they get along? How would family reunions play out? What would Matthias' own family think of Lukas? He'd never brought home any significant others before. What if they thought he didn't suit him? He had a rather prickly first impression in comparison to Matthias' own warm and friendly. Was Lukas really _the one_? He shook his head firmly. Lukas was the one. He had to be. He knew it to be true. But, the worry started to freeze the blood in his veins, _was he good enough for Lukas_?

He fled to the only place he knew he could go to be talked down from his erratic thoughts.

He burst through to doors of Dr. O's clinic, Tino looking up from his computer and grinning at him.

"Matthias! Hey!"

"Berwald – is he busy?" Tino shook his head and smiled, waving towards the closed office door.

"Nope, he's just working on some paperwork. Go on through!"

So he did, kicking down the door and slamming it shut behind him, collapsing against it. Berwald flinched at his sudden arrival, dropping the pen he was holding. He bumped his glasses up his nose and scowled.

"Ber," Matthias paid no heed to his expression, much like his Lukas, he simply hid behind stoicism and kept his true thoughts internalized. He was used to apathetic glares. "Am I making the biggest mistake of my life?"

Berwald regarded him with the same cool expression he had expected, slowly folding his hands together over his desk. He absently wondered if he should run back to the front and grab Tino to translate his face for him, but simultaneously did not want to move from his spot for fear of his knees giving out on him. He waited with all the patience he could muster as Berwald seemed to turn over his response in his head, very carefully choosing his words. Oh God, was he going to say, ' _yes_ ' then list all of the reasons why he should not marry Lukas?

"No." Was the resounding response he got and he felt the breath whoosh out of him.

"Oh, thank God." he leaned over, one hand on his knee, the other clutching at his chest while he focused on breathing deeply.

"Was that all?" Berwald asked, a hint of amusement lying under his gruff tone.

"Yes," Matthias collected himself, straightened, and grinned.

Next, he sped towards the hospital, sprinted through the lobby, to the elevators, and exploded through the doors to the Pediatric Ward (earning several started faces from those waiting and Emil sitting at reception). It only took him a moment to locate Lukas' lab coat billowing around him as he moved from room to room, following a small group of interns on their afternoon rounds.

He marched up to him, uncaring of how many people were watching this exchange, grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around to face him. Lukas' face was sheet-white in rage at the interruption, briefly flickering to confused concern at Matthias' sudden approach. He did not have time to further analyze his expression before Matthias leaned in and kissed him fiercely. Lukas did not respond at first, frozen against Matthias' mouth, before tentatively melting into the exchange of lips and tongue and passion. Matthias gripped his _fiance_ tightly, loosening one of his hands to slide up and tangle in Lukas' hair. He kissed him so hard he felt his own lips bruising, but he did not relent. He kept on the furious pace, his tongue sliding across Lukas' swollen bottom lip before slipping into his mouth and continuing his exploration there. Both of them were breathing heavy when he finally ripped his mouth away, admiring the flush in Lukas' cheeks and the way his eyes were widened a fraction in surprise.

"I am so _fucking_ excited to marry you," he said before swooping in and stealing another long, passionate kiss.

* * *

 **AN:** Bad-dum-pfsh!

Lukas' parents died aboard the MS Scandinavian Star. A ferry that was set on fire on April 7, 1990, resulting in the deaths of 159 people.

Review? I love you! :D


	12. Follow-Up 6

**PAGING DOCTORS BONDEVIK AND KOHLER**

 **FOLLOW-UP 6**

* * *

Emil stood behind his brother in front of the full-length mirror.

Lukas had on a deep navy suit and a narrow, silvery-blue tie, his hair was combed back, clipped out of his eyes by his favorite silver cross. His face was relaxed as he pinned a boutonniere to his lapel, a single white rose encircled in soft, pastel blue hydrangeas. Emil saw the faint tremor in his hands as he worked, then he drew himself to his full height, taking a moment to straighten his coat and admire his reflection. Their eyes met in the mirror.

Emil was dressed in a similar suit but, thankfully, there was no tie knotted at his throat. He had his hands stuffed into his pant pockets and wore a similar, vacant expression.

"I'm getting married," Lukas whispered so softly he would not have heard it if he hadn't seen his lips move. Emil softened his face into a reassuring smile.

"You are," he acknowledged, tilting his head to the side. "Are you happy?"

Lukas turned to face him and took a deep, shuddering breath.

"I am terrified," he said at last, "I am... very sad that mom and dad won't be here." He didn't need to say more than that, his eyes communicated the rest of his thought. He never thought he'd get married, but now that he was, he longed for his family. He had spent the last few days surrounded by both their large, extended family and Matthias', his to-be in-laws displaying, according to Matthias, an unusual amount of affection towards the couple. Even Emil felt the missing piece to the whole picture, one that their aunt valiantly had tried to fill, but it wasn't the same.

A comfortable silence had descended upon them. He let it settle between them for a few minutes, both lost in thoughts and memories, before breaking it. "That does not answer my question."

"I am happy," Lukas sighed, "so much so that I cannot fathom putting it into words. There are none to describe what it is I'm feeling." Emil smiled in earnest now and reached for his brother, pulling him into a hug. He wondered for a moment, as Lukas wrapped his arms around him and buried his face into his neck, if he was going to cry. He clung to him almost desperately; Emil rubbed his back. When he finally pulled away, he was shocked to see that he was not crying, but laughing.

"What is it?" he asked, furrowing his brow. His brother did not freely laugh or smile so widely. His teeth flashed, perfect and straight. He had a nice smile, it was a shame he kept it a secret. He absently wondered if Matthias had ever seen him smile this wide, before. He continued to quietly laugh and he covered his mouth with one of his hands, eyes shining. "Lukas? Are you alright?" He wanted to add ' _in the head_ ', but held his tongue. Lukas nodded.

"Yes, I'm just... _happy_."

.

It was a sunny afternoon.

The church was large, the sun streamed in through the skylights and stained glass windows causing ethereal patterns of colour to flood the floor and walls. The aisle was lined with sky blue bows and babies breath. At the altar was a latticed arch, tulle and twinkling lights wound through it, pooling at the base and around large pots overflowing with blue hydrangeas and white delphinium. The pews were filled with friends and family dressed in their finest; there were no specific familiar sides, all of the guests encouraged to mix together in a show of two families blending into one.

At the front was a grand piano. A dark haired man, slender and dignified, perched at the very edge of the bench before it, his fingers gliding across the keys as if they were an extension of himself. He was accompanied by two other men: one with swan-coloured hair and glittering red eyes, a violin nestled under his chin, and the other with an olive complexion, dark hair, and wild eyes perched on a stool and plucking at a mandolin in his lap.

Matthias' parents entered first, closely followed by Lukas' aunt. Next, Matthias' three siblings paired with Lukas' cousins that he had grown up with, the men seating the ladies with their families before joining their own. Emil and Laura waltzed down the aisle followed by Berwald and the grinning Tino, the four of them taking their places at the front. Everyone rose to their feet and turned to watch as Lukas entered the back of the church through one door, and Matthias through the other. They met at the end of the aisle, hands reaching out to one another, fingers intertwining when they were close enough to touch. They paused and looked at each other, Matthias' face split into a grin and a serene smile played on Lukas' lips. They turned and walked down the aisle hand-in-hand.

Matthias only made it halfway before he started to cry. He recovered by the time they made it to the front, Lukas producing some tissue from his sleeve and handing it to him, his eyes laughing, but the rest of his face remaining composed. Their officiant greeted the room and introduced both Matthias and Lukas, briefly lighting on the story of their romance.

"I was informed by several of Matthias' friends," he said, "that he chased the great Dr. Bondevik for many years before he finally won him over." A murmur of a knowing chuckle ran through the guests from the hospital. "It was through a tragic accident that eventually brought them together after dancing on the borders of friendship and something close to romance. Unfortunately, as you know, Matthias very shortly left to work in Zambia. They exchanged letters throughout that time. I was told that, despite access to internet and telephones, they both liked the ideas of handwritten letters more, it was more personal. I think that right there was a sign of the love that would grow between them over the next five years – that they took the time to speak to each other so intimately without even being in each other's presence.

Matthias returned, of course, otherwise we wouldn't be here today. It was a struggle for the two of them to find even footing after being away for so long, but they found a unique way to overcome their problems. This, I believe, is a sign of creativity between them and willingness to work together, even when times are difficult. The devotion they already hold for each other is endless, and something I admire deeply.

My greatest hope for you, Mathias and you, Lukas, would be that the love you have for each other will continue to burn. It may not always be as bright as it is now, which does not mean that it is not strong, but that the current explosion of passion you are feeling today is what is propelling you forward on your journey. Your love will grow and mature into something that will be the drive behind keeping the promises you will make today. Some days the love you have for each other will come easy, and others it will take work. Love is not defined by the fleeting moments of affection that you feel for each other. Love takes work. Love is committing to wake up each morning and choosing to love the other, to work for the other, to give the other everything you have and expect nothing in return. So, my hope for you is that you commit to love. Not just today, but every day until your last. Commit to love, stand together, lean on each other, and overcome the world.

' _Two are better than one: They get a good wage for their labor. If the one falls, the other will lift up his companion. Woe to the solitary man! For if he should fall, he has no one to lift him up. So also, if two sleep together, they keep each other warm. How can one alone keep warm? Where a lone man may be overcome, two together can resist. A three-ply cord is not easily broken._ '

Now, I believe you have prepared a few words for each other..."

"Lukas," Matthias began, holding one of his hands, the other wiping the tears still pooling in his eyes. "I never thought I'd be so lucky as to have you in my life. You are the most beautiful creature I have ever had the pleasure of looking upon, and I can hardly believe that I get to look at you every single day. You are my best friend, and I know that I can come to you with anything on my mind or in my heart – even though it may take a while for me to say it, I know that you'll be there and will listen when I'm ready. I want you to know that I will always be the shoulder you can lean on when you need support, I will hold your hand when you need it and hold you when you need it. I will be your ally; I will stand by you through thick and thin as you've stood by me. You have such a soft heart, not something everyone can see, but I see it, and I fell in love with it. You trusted me with your hopes and dreams and desires, and I will guard them and treasure them every day until my last."

Lukas responded, "Matthias, you ripped my heart from me without my knowing, stealing it and keeping it. I never intended to let you have it, but now that you do, I know that it could belong to no greater man. You are my other half, my better half, and I need you. I have fallen so in love with your easy smile, your ready laughter, your unfathomable kindness, and even your numerous idiocies. And they are numerous. You are my best friend, someone to whom I can go to with everything and anything, from the silly to the serious. You leaned on me during some of your most difficult years and trusted me to catch you when you fell. I promise I will always be there to pick up the pieces and put you back together, as I know you'll do the same for me. I will never abandon you, not when times are good and never when times are hard. I promise I will love you more fiercely ever day until I no longer have breath in my lungs with which to utter the words ' _I love you_ '."

Their vows and rings: "With this ring, I promise to you that I will give you all my love, and you will never walk alone from this day forward until eternity. I have no greater gift to give. Your love is my anchor, and your trust is my strength, may my heart be your shelter and my arms be your home. This ring has no end or beginning, and may the same be said of the love I have for you. As I place it on your finger, I give to you all that I am, and all that I will become."

They were pronounced wed, and it was Lukas who reached for Matthias first, holding his face and pulling him down for a kiss. Matthias wrapped his arms around his slender waist and, much to the crowd's delight, dipped him and they laughed as they kissed.

The reception hall was a glittering spectacle of twinkling lights, tulle draped from the rafters, and tall centerpieces filled with blue hydrangeas, delphiniums, orchids, and white roses. There was a silk-wrapped guest book with a feathered fountain pen, next to it a small collection of picture frames, next to those a card that read, ' _Those that shaped who we are today, but are no longer with us. With love, M & L._' Two were filled with faded pictures of somber couples on their wedding day – both sets of Lukas' grandparents. Next to them was an elderly woman with a familiar grin, her eyes bright and shining, her face enveloped in winkles – Matthias' maternal grandmother. In front of them was a small girl about the age of five, clutching a stuffed cat close to her chest. And finally, in a small frame was a young woman with coffee-coloured skin and a friendly smile, wide eyes sparkling like she knew a secret she was itching to tell.

The feast that followed the ceremony was a grand affair, and the speeches emotional. Lukas was surprised when, after all those with stories to tell had spoken, Matthias rose to his feet and offered him his hand. "May I have this dance?" he queried, smiling, the faint beginnings of a song sighing through the air, gentle piano and violin. The mandolin player held a mic and passed another to who could have been his twin, save for a lighter shade of hair and easier smile.

"I thought we agreed not to have a first dance?" Lukas quirked a brow, but accepted the hand that was offered to him.

"Ah, I found a song that reminded me of you and I couldn't resist – I hope you don't mind." Lukas rolled his eyes but said nothing contradictory, allowing Matthias to pull him to his feet and lead him to the centre of the dance floor, tugging him to his chest and wrapping his arms around his waist. Lukas closed his eyes, his hands sliding up Matthias' chest and resting on his shoulders; he tilted his head to the side and listened to the words of the song as the Italian brothers began to sing.

"This is kind of a sad song...?"

"It's pretty," Matthias shrugged, "I chose it for the line ' _we are like the earth and ocean, we are the same devotion, you and me we are love_ '. I dunno, maybe it's stupid... It reminded me of when we were oceans apart." His voice trailed off, wavering with hints of sudden apprehension.

"I like it," Lukas said at last. "We are love." He repeated the lyric and opened his eyes, smiling. His smile did not last long, however, and he turned his face down to look at their feet. "Why the hell are you leading?"

"Because _I_ asked _you_ to dance."

"You're a terrible dancer."

Matthias scoffed, "oho? And you can do better, my eternally icy prince?" Lukas glared in response, then took both of Matthias' hands from his hips, placed one on his shoulder and held on to the other; his free hand he slid around to the small of his husband's back.

"Obviously," was all he said, triumph clear in his voice. He then demonstrated very capable dancing abilities, twirling them around the floor, Matthias laughing, the crowd of guests watching cheering at the burst in skill.

Afterwards, there was no Halling dance, but Matthias demanded Lukas prove he knew the steps, specifically, "that silly little kick thing with the hat!" He produced a broom from somewhere, borrowed a hat from a guest, and stood atop a chair, waiting for Lukas to kick it down. Lukas scowled and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Matthias. I haven't done a _kast_ since I was young. I'm not going to break my neck just to prove that I've learned this dance before. This is ridiculous. Get down from there."

It surprised everyone when Berwald suddenly appeared, removing his jacket and passing it to Lukas to hold.

"I've got this," he said gruffly, eyes trained on the hat while Matthias whooped him on. The sound of a violin plucking out a quick-tempo tune filled the room along with claps and cheers from wedding guests as Berwald paced in a circle, shaking his hands out at his sides. With agility no one expected in such a large man, Berwald approached the chair where Matthias stood, then twist his body into a leap, kicking the hat on the end of the broomstick clear across the dance floor; no on cheered louder than Tino.

Just before midnight the couple cut their cake.

At the end of the evening, Lukas leaned against Matthias sleepily, watching as Berwald helped load their rental car with wedding gifts. Lukas yawned wide and Matthias looked down at him, giving his shoulders a squeeze with the arm draped around them.

"When did you know you were falling in love with me?" he asked. Lukas looked up at him and blinked.

"You had just come out of surgery," Lukas said, "after that accident... you know the one. You half collapsed on me and I led you to an on-call room to sleep. I was tucking one of those awful blankets around you and you looked up at me and smiled. That's when."

"I'd kiss you right now if you were closer," he chuckled, echoing the words he had said that same evening for the first time. "I'll kiss you every day that you are close enough," he promised, leaning in to capture Lukas' lips in a soft, slow kiss.

 **-fin-**

* * *

 **AN:** And that, folks, is the final chapter! LOOK. A HAPPY ENDING!

-I imagined they dance to 'We Are Love' by Il Volo.

-That was Roderich on piano, Gilbert on violin, and Romano on mandolin (then singing with his brother, Feliciano).

-Kast, I believe, is the twist-jump-kick thing in the Halling dance when the dancer kicks a hat from the end of a stick held high above the ground. This is a traditional Norwegian dance, but can also be found in parts of Sweden – which is why Berwald knew it.

-In the pictures were, along with grandparents, the little girl patient from the beginning of the story; the other was, of course, Thandiwe (alluding that Lukas does know of her, although whether he knows Matthias' full story at this point in their lives, it is unclear).

-The speech before their vows was based on C.S. Lewis thoughts on marriage (remixed with my own thoughts on it, of course haha)

-The have a passage of the Bible read in their ceremony, my favourite verse, which is found in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.

 **Special thanks to:** Hypocritical-Romantic, The ex-Frenchie, Almiaranger, Kira-Writer, NemoMyName, Effulgenticecream and everyone else who took the time to review! Thanks for sticking with me through this tale.

I will go through and do a final edit shortly, and if I find I have some major loose ends to tie up, I will post an epilogue (if I find none, this note will be removed).

You may or may not see this version Denmark and Norway pop up in other stories of my Mediverse and maybe a one-shot or two if the mood strikes me. :)

Hugs and Kisses - Apple


	13. Follow-Up: Closet Scene

**AN: WARNING.** This follow-up teeters somewhere between a T and M rating.

(This chapter takes place sometime between their engagement and marriage)

And without further ado, the much asked for "closet scene", briefly mentioned in the last chapter of Doctor O.

-Apple

* * *

Lukas could feel the weight of Matthias' gaze on his back as he glided between examination rooms. He tried not to toss a scowl over his shoulder to where he knew the idiot was surely leaning across the reception desk, choosing instead to coolly ignore him as he reached for the chart a nurse next to him was holding out. He flipped through it with half-focused attention, mind wandering to the man standing somewhere behind him. He felt like he was being undressed while the whole world watched and it left his skin feeling hot and prickly – a sensation not entirely comfortable while a member of his staff peered at him with concern written plainly across her face.

"Doctor, are you...?"

"I'm fine. How long has he been standing there?" She had the decency to widen her eyes in feigned shock, trying to arrange her face in a way that said she had _no_ idea who he was talking about. Before she could stutter out an unconvincing reply, he cut her off, "don't waste my time."

"About ten minutes, sir," she bowed her head and took the chart back from him, clearing her throat. "He's still staring," she elaborated and Lukas heaved the largest sigh he could muster, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling and quietly praying for additional patience.

He continued about his rounds, checking on his small patients, overseeing other doctors in his ward as they flipped through charts and discussed treatment options. He made sure to take his time as he ordered chest x-rays for a small girl with a high fever and a cough. He made grand displays of signing his signature on his prescription pad with a flourish, knowing Matthias was still watching him. He pocketed his pen and ran a hand through his hair, then down his side, smoothing his coat. He stretched his arms over his head and bent his neck, exposing it for his audience of one, as he pretended to shake the feelings of work off his body. He was specially devious and made sure to flash a charming smile at a nurse that greeted him when she passed, turning so he knew Matthias could see.

When there was nothing left to conceivably distract him from paying attention to the one person who was craving it the most, he finally glanced up and met the shockingly blue eyes from across the Pediatric Ward. He only looked for the briefest of moments before turning sharp on his heel and making his way to his office, his coat billowing out behind him. He didn't have to look back to know that Matthias had pushed himself away from reception and was following at his heels like a well-trained puppy.

The moment he crossed the threshold of his office, the door was slammed shut, he was grabbed by his shoulders, spun, and pushed up against the wall. Matthias pressed up against him, his mouth closing over Lukas' before he had a moment to catch his breath. Mathias' fingers were digging bruises into his shoulders as he kissed him hard, his tongue licking at his bottom lip and nibbling, asking for the entry that Lukas refused to give. Matthias groaned low and rough, giving up his askance and moving his mouth to slide across Lukas' chin and down his neck, licking, sucking, biting down, seemingly determined to taste every centimeter of flesh he had access to.

The whispered sigh that escaped Lukas' lips without his permission was followed by a scowl and two hands placed firmly on Matthias' chest, shoving him away.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked, angered at how breathless he sounded and how fast his heart was hammering in his chest.

"Saying 'hello' to my _fiance_ ," Matthias purred, reacquainting their mouths and kissing him slow, tender, sweet, in such a way that made it difficult for Lukas to resist parting his lips and succumbing to what would most certainly give way to a kiss that was much more hot, heavy, and urgent. Lukas pushed him back again.

"We are at _work_ , Matthias," he sighed and wiggled his way out of the other man's grasp, dancing just out of reach and putting his office couch between them.

"Yeah," Matthias drawled, lazily chasing after him, "and when we're home your excuse is your darling little brother."

"This is my _office_ ," Lukas said, circling his couch again, narrowly escaping Matthias' outstretched hand. It's not that Lukas didn't want Matthias; contrary, he wanted him on every available surface, morning, noon, and night. However, one of them had to maintain some amount of professionalism and a level head. Matthias much too easily succumbed to his more carnal desires and attempted at every turn to convince Lukas to join him.

"What better use for a private office than for your _fiance_ to ravage you senseless while on your lunch break?" He stressed the word fiance again, the grin on his face widening as he quickened his steps of pursuit. Lukas scoffed.

"Unlike you, I actually have matters pertaining to my employment to attend to and could occupy my time getting such ordeals dealt with during my, as you say, lunch break. You of all people should know that such luxuries of designated mealtimes do not exist in the realm of doctors," he jumped away when he felt Matthias' fingers brush against his back, hurrying around his desk and whirling to face him, to see which direction he would go to try and catch him. "And _surgeons_ ," he added.

The grin on Matthias' face was predatory as he leaned his hands on Lukas' desk, not giving away which direction he was going to chase, instead leaning across and biting at the air. Lukas frowned. "Seriously Matthias," he sighed, "don't you have better things to do with your time?"

"Other than you?" He laughed and straightened, crossing his arms over his chest. The smile bled away from his face and was replaced by a heavy look, accompanied by words laced in honey and velvet, "nah. Why do you think we have pagers?" So cocky, so foolhardy, ever so unprofessional. Lukas licked his lips and ignored the desire that began to warm in him, ignited by the look in Matthias' eyes.

Thankfully, Lukas was saved by the shrill cry of Matthias' pager ringing. He exhaled and relaxed while Matthias stiffened and groaned, frustrated.

Once Matthias made his (loud) exit, Lukas settled in his office chair and stared at the mountain of paperwork before him. Truthfully, he had enjoyed the little distraction, but he didn't really want to use his office for such illicit activities, despite being unable to deny the thrill of the idea...

.

Matthias was otherwise engaged for the remainder of the very long workday and Lukas found himself unable to quite concentrate on anything. His mind continued to rebel against his wishes and drift back to the tall, blonde, loud, irritating, lovely, handsome, _sexy_ man he had the very fortunate pleasure of calling his fiance.

Lukas arrived home weary and hungry – in more than one way, only to discover that Matthias was playing annoyingly evasive and painfully platonic. Lukas tried bending over slowly when he 'accidentally' dropped his dinner fork on the kitchen floor, he tried running his hands through his hair and stretching enough that his shirt rode up a bit, revealing a sliver of skin he _knew_ Matthias noticed. He even tried having a shower and emerging from the bathroom in only a towel, water still beading down his heated skin only to receive a raised eyebrow from his brother and a smirk from Matthias. _A smirk_. He didn't even give some stupid, flippant comment, he just looked him up and down, smirked, then returned his attention to the TV like it was more interesting than his hot, bothered, and wet fiance.

He continued to keep his distance in the night, feigning tiredness and then sleep until they both drifted off. At work the next day his newfound prudish behavior continued. He only stopped by the Pediatric Ward briefly to drop a chaste kiss to Lukas' forehead while delivering him lab results on one of his patients before disappearing back to his own department like he actually had work to do.

Lukas scoffed as he paced the length of his office.

What the hell was he playing at? He was supposed to have tried to cop a feel in plain sight of the reception several times by now. He was supposed to have pushed him into an alcove for stolen kisses at least once, he glanced at his watch, at least _twice_ today. Where were his pleas for a affection and attention and chasing him like he couldn't get enough of him? Lukas frowned.

Maybe he had been a bit too harsh the previous day in his playful rejection. Well, no, he _had_ been serious, he didn't want to have a quickie on his desk with his staff right outside the door and in a Pediatric Ward of all places. But, it was unusual for Matthias to give up so easily...

The end of the shift found Matthias leaning across the reception desk in the Pediatric Ward, waiting for Lukas to gather his coat and go home. Lukas froze between his office door the the waiting room, the temperature around him dropping by several degrees as he watched Matthias happily flirt with one of _his_ interns. The traitor. He felt the pencil that had been held loose in his hand, on it's way to be returned to reception, snap as he watched Matthias laugh lightly, touch his hair, turn away and blush like a goddamn teenager.

Matthias eventually dragged his eyes away from the pretty intern, who was giggling like an idiot, and locked on to Lukas. He laughed and straightened and said loudly, "ah, there he is, the prettiest man in the world." Lukas stared at him and blinked slowly before crossing the distance between them – he slid his cool gaze to his intern and let her feel the full force of his displeasure; she cowed and quickly excused herself, running down the hall and Lukas indulged himself with a pleased smirk.

"Ready to go home?" Matthias' tone was far too innocent to be trusted, but he reached down and grabbed Lukas' hand, lacing their fingers together. It was the first sign of public affection since the morning's kiss to the forehead and Lukas felt himself warming to it.

"You have no idea." He nodded and allowed himself to be lead from the hospital.

However, once at home, Matthias still continued to avoid any sort of physical attention, tender or otherwise. Lukas (un)happily decided that two could play at that came, so awarded Matthias for his celibate mood with the coldest shoulder he could enact. He went to bed frustrated and angry.

The following workday showed no progress back towards the land of the usual, Matthias barely bid him a good day as he dashed off to the ER for surgery, leaving Lukas open-mouthed and annoyed, missing the usual parting kiss to his crown. He stalked through Information and past the gift shop, he shouldered his way past visitors clustering around the small coffee shop, he even bypassed the elevator in favor of the stairs in order to burn off some of his frustrations. He was certain the storm cloud hovering over his head was more than noticeable, even to employees who hardly knew him. His brother barely acknowledged him when he strode past Pediatric Reception, only grunting a greeting as Lukas stomped his feet towards his office. Once inside, he slammed the door shut and buried himself in his neglected paperwork.

.

The sharp rap at Lukas' office door startled him from his concentration; he managed to choke out a threatening, "what?" pushing his paperwork aside and readying his scowl for whatever unlucky soul had dared interrupt him. He did not recognize the young man that entered, his head leading the way around the door in with the sort of caution that Lukas appreciated; he let himself get caught openly staring him up and down so the intruder knew he was being critically analyzed. He was unimpressed with the sorry excuse for a medical professional standing before him, who was all quivering limbs and hands pulling at his scrubs like the fabric was causing him some sort of physical distress. He must be an intern.

"Dr. Bondevik?"

"That's what it says on the door. Who are you and what do you want?" He raised an eyebrow, hoping that the intern got the hint to hurry up and _leave_.

"I'm a surgical intern, sir, my name is-"

"Don't care. What are you here for?" Lukas' eyes darted to the papers clutched in the intern's hands and extended his own, waving his fingers and expecting to be passed whatever it was that he was clutching so desperately to his chest.

"I was asked to deliver this do you, Dr. Bondevik, sir," Lukas made no move to get up from his seat, but kept his hand outstretched and eyes pinned to the intern, waiting until he finally lurched forward, further into the office and shoved the papers into Lukas' waiting grasp. Lukas took pleasure in staring him down for another few seconds, reveling in the sensation that he was superior. It had been a long time since he enjoyed the full power of his cold glare – his own staff knew him well enough by now not to balk under his gaze; but this, this was just pathetic. The intern began to sweat and tugged at his scrubs.

He finally looked down at the papers in his hand and froze, his scowl deepening as he flipped to the last page to confirm the name signed at the bottom. "What the hell is this?"

"It's the operative report you had requested STAT," the intern began to nervously pull and scratch at the skin on his forearms. The suggestion of unscented laundry detergent was on the tip of Likas' tongue before he remembered his anger.

"I realize this," he drawled, "this is from Dr. Kohler. Why didn't Dr. Kohler bring it to me?"

"Ah, he said he was otherwise occupied?" The intern's voice cracked.

"To _me_ , he is never occupied. What was he doing that was so important – and don't tell me he was in surgery. I saw the boards this morning, he has a clear afternoon."

"...He had challenged Dr. Laurinaitis from Psych to a match of ping-pong in the break room." Lukas dropped the papers to his desk and felt his mouth slide open in shock.

"...Ping-pong." _Ping-pong_?! Some little plastic ball was more important that coming to see his fiance? Lukas could hardly believe Matthias would stoop so low as to insult him so brutally. Had Lukas not been feeling more than a little starved for a physical connection, he would have banished Matthias to the coldest, loneliest doghouse without any promise of getting back into his good graces for a very long time.

"With Mr. Wang from the outpatient pharmacy as a referee," the intern said this a little too brightly, and Lukas let an angry noise roll off his tongue to startle the poor boy back into his respected fear. He looked like he wanted to tuck tail and flee, but he stood his ground, worrying the hem of his scrub top between white-knuckled hands. "Sir," he said at last and cleared his throat, "there was something else I was asked to tell you."

Of course there was. "What is it? Spit it out." Lukas wanted to break something.

"I... I was told to tell you, ah, that Dr. Kohler, 'sees the way you look at him when you think nobody is watching,'"

"Get out."

Lukas clenched and unclenched his hands atop his desk for several minutes, trying to decide what action he should take. His jaw hurt from gritting his teeth. He forced himself to take a deep breath through his nose and released it out his mouth, forcing relaxation before he started cracking his teeth.

He counted to 100, while breathing deeply, then he pushed himself away from his desk and calmly made his way down to the ER and its own private break room.

He paused in the doorway before letting himself in. He stood for a moment, arms crossed over his chest as he watched Matthias whoop and holler in glee as he _ping-ponged_ happily with the quiet doctor from the Mental Health unit, blissfully unaware of the shit storm about to crash his little party.

"Dr. Kohler," Matthias' went rigid (Lukas smirked) and he let the next return of the ping-pong ball whiz past him and clatter against the floor. He slowly turned to face Lukas and grinned happily.

"Ah, my dearest love, have you come to cheer for me and bring me luck?" Lukas wrinkled his nose, slowly (making sure to sway his hips in such a way that he hoped looked seductive) crossing the room to stand in front of his lovely intended. He walked his fingers up Matthias' chest, happy grin still in place, before he grabbed at his collar and roughly jerked him down so they were eye level. "Hey!"

"What on earth are you doing?" he hissed. All signs of happiness seemed to blink out of existence, momentarily replaced by slack-jawed nervousness before he laughed and his grin returned.

"Well, I was going to kick Toris' ass at a pi-"

"Why didn't you bring the report yourself?" He wished he had brought the papers with him so he could enjoy crumpling them in his hands in front of Matthias' smiling face to punctuate the depth of his anger. In all the years they had worked together, Matthias _always_ hand-delivered his operative reports belonging to patients in Lukas' care.

"That? Oh, well," Matthias laughed happily, Lukas twisted his shirt collar and tightened the grip he had around his neck. "The intern was getting cocky and I figured he needed to learn a lesson. Also, I overheard him saying he was considering switching into Pediatrics. I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone by subjecting him to your glare and show him exactly what he would be in for if he were to work with you and all the babies."

Lukas was about to deliver a vituperative retort when Matthias did something filthy. He pressed his body up against Lukas' and his hands, his blessed hands that Lukas yearned for so much, gripped at his waist and he rolled their hips together. The sound the escaped Lukas' mouth was mildly degrading, he was unaware that he was able to even produce such a pitiful noise; his musings were cut short when Matthias purred in his ear, "is there anything else I can do for you, my cranberry _fuck_ -muffin?"

"Not here," Lukas ground out, squirming out of Matthias' dearly desired hold. With his hand still wound tight in the surgeon's collar, he dragged him from the room and out into the hall. "You win, Toris," Lukas called over his shoulder, ignoring the loud protests in his ear as he kicked the break room door shut behind him.

Down, down, down the hall he dragged his prize until at last he saw what he was looking for: a supply closet. This must have been Matthias' plan all along, he thought as he wrenched open the closet and shoved the surgeon inside, and he had walked right into it. He squeezed into the tiny room after Matthias, grabbed him, and used his body to slam the door shut. He took advantage of the loud gasp of shock to slide his tongue into his mouth and kissed him deeply before Matthias could squirm away and play hard to get. Much to Lukas' delight, Matthias hummed appreciatively and his hands found their way first to his white lab coat, which was quickly shucked off and dropped to the floor. Then, those magical hands found the inside of Lukas scrub top, pushing at it, tugging, until Lukas broke the kiss and pulled it over his head, whipping it away and reuniting their mouths faster than Matthias could breathe.

Matthias hummed against Lukas' mouth, "you know," he said, and Lukas slid his lips away and began licking and nipping a trail along his jaw and down his throat, "I had expected you to hold out for a few more days at least, or even a week!" he chucked and Lukas growled in annoyance, deft fingers plucking open the buttons of Matthias' own coat before sliding it from his shoulders and watching it with half-lidded eyes as it fell and pooled on the ground by their feet. He took a half-step back and pointed at Matthias' own scrub uniform.

"Off, now." he ordered, glaring a threat should Matthias choose this moment to be defiant. Once the offending article of clothing was removed, he continued his trail of kisses from Matthias' neck and across his collarbone.

"In fact, I wasn't sure you'd even play right into my hand," Matthias laughed softly; the only reason Lukas didn't throttle him for talking at a moment like this was because his hands were roaming along Lukas' back, kneading tantalizing circles into his shoulder blades, down his spine, and hips.

"Shut up," Lukas breathed, leaning up to kiss his mouth again until Matthias whined through bruised lips.

Lukas took his time to savor the kiss, sliding his hands up Matthias' chest and over his shoulders, around his neck. He pressed their chests together and rolled his hips, delighting in the moan that poured into his mouth and he greedily swallowed it like it was his favourite dessert. He breathed through his nose as Matthias' hands slid down his back and over his hips, fingers curling over his ass and squeezing, pulling him closer with another happy noise. Lukas responded by sucking on Matthias bottom lip, taking it between his teeth and teasing it.

"Fuck," Matthias muttered, his grip on Lukas tightened before he growled and shoved, slamming Lukas into the opposite wall between a stack of boxes and a shelving unit hard enough to have his breath whoosh out. "You picked a small closet, my ice prince," he murmured hotly against Lukas' neck before his mouth found its way to his jaw, nibbling at the hollow just below his ear. Lukas almost breathed out an apology as goosebumps rose up in a ripple across his whole body and he arched off the wall and into Matthias, humming at the friction between them. He tilted his head to the side and made room for Matthias to continue his quest to nibble and lick and suck at his neck until he quite forgot where they were and let a strangled moan tumble from his lips. He tried to bite it off before he made more noise, chewing on his bottom lip as his hands clawed at Matthias' back. Matthias pressed firm against him, sliding a knee between Lukas' legs, his hands groping at him, down his sides until they found their way to the waistband of his pants. His fingers teased, exploring the hem of clothing, dipping down, nails lightly scratching at the skin of Lukas' hips.

"Matthias," Lukas tried very hard to keep his voice from sounding like he was begging, "I swear, if you don't touch me properly I'm going to-" he was cut short by Matthias thoroughly kissing him, stealing the breath and his words right out of him. He clutched at Matthias, pulling him closer, one of his hands drifting up to tangle in the mess of blonde hair and he felt his pants being tugged away from his hips and pushed down to his knees. Lukas kicked them off, not caring where the ended up. He sighed happily and let Matthias wrap his arms around his waist, lifting him a few inches away from the floor so Lukas could wrap his legs around Matthias' waist, hooking his ankles together and rolling his hips.

Those devious hands held him steady, against the wall and against Matthias, fingertips digging into his lower back as the desire between them grew. Lukas tried not to dwell on the fact that he was stripped almost completely bare in a dirty closet _at work_ , but Matthias leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses on his shoulder launched him into a hazy cloud of lust where propriety didn't matter. He tilted his head and nuzzled at Matthias until he turned and kissed him, tongue swirling into Lukas' mouth; he shifted his weight, grinding their hips together, painting a clear picture of what exactly he wanted to get started on in the next few moments. Lukas arched his back off the wall in response, conveying that he was more than willing to let things go all the way. After so many hours without even a lingering handshake, his body craved Matthias with such intensity he was almost ashamed. Lukas tightened his legs around Matthias' waist, holding him between his thighs as close as he possibly could while there was still clothing between them. He was reacting like a horny teenager, but it didn't seem to matter all that much when he felt Matthias shift, pulling at his remaining article of clothing with one hand, the other drifting down between them...

Lukas gasped and shoved Matthias away from him the moment he heard the door handle rattle. He forgot his own feet weren't planted firmly on the floor, so as soon as Matthias was stumbling back, he was falling to the ground with a very graceless cry of shock when he collided with it in a heap of bare limbs. He quickly reached for something, _anything_ (he discovered his discarded pants nearby), to cover himself with as the door was fully opened. A very startled nurse got an armload of a half-naked trauma surgeon and an eyeful of a barely covered head of the pediatric department in a crumpled mess on the floor between a metal shelf and stacked boxes filled with latex gloves.

Matthias recovered first, spinning to grab the nurse by her shoulders and bending to look her in the eye, "whoa there, sorry about that! You alright?" Lukas scowled at how easily he brushed off the fact that his top half was bare, his bottom half was dangerously close to sliding into full nudity, (really, though, it was a lovely view from where Lukas was sitting), and he just got caught doing unspeakable things to his coworker in a janitor's closet.

"Uh," the nurse stammered, and much to Lukas' horror, and another face popped up around her shoulder, eyes widening as they surveyed the scene in the small space. "I just needed... a broom..."

"A broom!" Matthias boomed, straightening and laughing, He turned and reached for one, conveniently leaning next to the doorjamb, and handed it to her. "There you are! Anything else?" The first nurse shook her head, eyes still wide in surprise, while the one behind her had started giggling. "Well then, have a nice day!" He gave them a mock salute before gently pushing them back off the threshold and shutting the door on their startled and amused faces.

"Now!" Matthias whirled back around to face Lukas, "where were we?"

Lukas scowled and struggled to his feet, shaking out his pants then calmly stepping into them. "Not likely," he snorted. The moment was lost and any hint of desire he had previously been experiencing had vacated the area and was wandering the hall just outside of the closed closet door. He did not care to find it again. Matthias pouted. "But," Lukas bent for his shirt and pulled it over his head, "I will see you at home," he said, pushing his arms through the sleeves. He stood for a moment, staring at Matthias and watching the gears turn in that silly brain of his.

"But, Emil will be home tonight..." he said slowly, hands reaching for Lukas, shaking with still evident desire. Lukas permitted the connection and those hands ran up and down his sides, around, pushed under his shirt and splayed across his chest then circled around to his back.

"Mmm," Lukas hummed thoughtfully, allowing Matthias to pull him against his chest and lean in to pepper kisses on his neck, "I suddenly recall a very large stack of paperwork he will need to go over," he sighed, "it's a shame I didn't think of it sooner, he will likely have to stay overtime just to get through all of it."

"You conniving little shit," Matthias purred affectionately between his kisses.

"Yes, well, tonight my needs are going to come before his silly rules." Lukas slid out of Matthias' grasp and bent for his lab coat. "I'll see you in a few hours, Dr. Kohler," he tilted his head and accepted the quick brush of warm lips to his before turning and straightening his posture, ready to walk out of the closet tall and proud.


End file.
